There are a lot of things you can simulate with a Nintendo. The life of a brave paperboy, a commando's infiltration into a P.O.W. camp, maybe a jet fighter pilot's daring dogfight with nazi UFOs. Not Pictionary. The one thing you don't need to make a video game about is a board game. Motherfucker, I have a board game. I don't have a fighter jet. If you want to play a board game, it's over there in the closet under four feet of dust, the lawn darts, and the guitar you thought you'd one day learn to play. There is no reason to transfer it over to the Nintendo.
If you're going to make a Nintendo game about a board game, at least make it better than the original. Like Chutes and Ladders that can cure cancer or a Monopoly game that gives you a blowjob. And they should have known from the beginning that Nintendo Pictionary is going to be worse than regular Pictionary since you're going to be drawing with a clunky ass Nintendo controller and screaming out your solution guesses by slowly selecting from a menu of letters. Someone should have stood up in the first board meeting and said, "Are you sure we shouldn't make a game about punching people? This is going to be like playing Pictionary only you're all fucked up. Not fucked up drunk. Fucked up like you're a mute and your friend is drawing pictures by rubbing paint on his chest and running himself into the pad of paper."
All the mini games are basically things you could play on a wristwatch. Those aren't so bad if you're in the back of class, but this is a Nintendo cartridge. It doesn't have the excuse of being a game on a wristwatch. So by the end, it's not really Pictionary at all. I'm not a copyright lawyer, but I bet the legal rights to call this crap Pictionary cost them at least a few thousand dollars. They could have named the game Boring Astronaut Hop and used some of that money to buy a programmer without a birth defect, or at least spent it on the rights to call the game something cool like Spider-Man vs. Gi-Joe & Buck Rogers. That title has as much to do with the game they made as "Pictionary" anyway.
The fun of Pictionary doesn't come from guessing what things are. If guessing was fun, you'd stand over the toilet after a night of drinking and try to figure out what all the chunks originally were. I think that was a hot dog! And before that, processed rat organs! Guessing reminds us too much of our education. Looking at a bizarre image drawn by a person who refuses to tell you what it is reminds me of when I skipped Biology for three months and showed up for the final. I labelled the stages of cell division as Start, Middle, Later, and Spaceship.
So the appeal can't be the guessing part. Most people get the Mexican channel, and after a few minutes, you get tired of trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. They'll have a puppet announcing an event where kids in capes throw cottage cheese at each other in a wading pool, and you'll give up. Whatever those people are doing, you don't want to know. That's how this game is. The pictures you're supposed to identify are as confusing as Latin television programming, but with way fewer tits.
I've never played Pictionary with a retarded person with Parkinson's Disease, but after trying to figure out what the hell my Nintendo was drawing, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it's like.
It's a depressing game. Just by putting it in the Nintendo you're sort of admitting that you don't have any friends to play Pictionary with. And if anyone finds out you played the Nintendo version, that's not going to help your popularity. Remember this lonely kids: there's no law that limits the number of times you can masturbate in one day. If you have to simulate activities you'd normally do with other people, at least make it sex instead of board games. Have some self respect.
The perfect party game for you and Brian Michaels! The Pictionary ROM