Back to Dear Nintendo... Few things in life are more tragic than a sick loved one. And one of those things is telling a magazine about how a sick guy you know can play Tetris well. But here's something more tragic than that. When I was in sixth grade, it sounds like I had almost the exact same lifestyle as an elderly man with one hand.

And kid, if your grandpa is so capable, maybe you should have let him be in charge of photographing the TV. I can't tell what the hell is supposed to be on that TV screen grandpa's posing with. If you're claming that blurry overexposed mess is his miraculous high score, I can make just as believable case of it being photographic evidence of Bigfoot fighting flying saucers. Plus, that green blob in the middle supports my theory that the Virgin Mary is alive and a professional inner-tuber.


Grandpa's Photo (zoomed 2x): Is it proof of life on other planets or a trick of shitty photography?

A. Grandpa's working hand: Proves no conspiracy theories, but acts as a symbol of how you can overcome not-playing-video-games if you believe in yourself.

B. Grandpa's Score: It may or may not be high. To know for sure, one has to ask oneself, "What does a one-handed elderly man have to gain by lying about a Nintendo score?" The answer may frighten you: "Everything."

C. Hamburger: This green area of the photograph is clearly a hamburger. Good work, grandpa.

D. Strange Buildings: Could ancient races of people live within this strange architecture? Many experts say "no." But is it possible that these experts are only saying that so they can manipulate these secret ancient people for their own unfulfilled desires? Other experts say "no."

E. Cloud-shaped Blob: Some say it's a clear vision of the virgin Mary laying down on an inner-tube, and support their theories by pointing at it again and saying, "Seriously. Look at it."
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