Hudson Hawk. It's not like any game based on a movie was good (except for Batman), but Hudson Hawk was notably shitty. You were about 3 pixels high, and spent most of your time dodging video cameras and angry guard dogs. These were no ordinary guard dogs, though. Many of them were weiner dogs who you could easily distract by throwing a ball. When they did catch you, they would grab onto your ass until you remembered to hit the "throw ball" button. Most of the game's challenge came from the jumps you had to do. They weren't very bad, but I discovered that Hudson Hawk has a fear of jumping and rarely does so when you tell him. He prefers to run into pits while you hammer your controller.

I found out it was a lot more fun to jam my copy of Hudson Hawk, the movie, into the Nintendo and perform Singin' on a Star with a sock puppet I labelled, "Danny Aiello." If you time it right, sparks and smoke will come out of your NES just as you begin the extravagansic final chorus.

This big mean dog will pull you off the building by your ass. But you never stop smiling. That's the kind of guy you are. Hell, you'll probably start singing while you fall five stories.

Graphics: 3 The little Bruce Willis looked like a mixture of Joe Camel and a circus midget, and the programmers hired their neighbor's kids to make the backgrounds. But other than that, the graphics were all very terrible.
Fun: 1 It seemed like it might have been a playable game if Hudson did what you told him and you could stand looking at the ugly screen. It's sometimes fun to throw your bouncy balls around the screen, but only if you are on heavy medication.
Bruce Willis Points: -48 This is by far the worst thing associated with Bruce, but it is luckily made up for by Die Hard, Last Man Standing, and The Fifth Element. When asked about the Hudson Hawk NES game during an interview, he responded to the reporter with a left hook. Then he took out a harmonica and sang the old theme to Seagram's Golden Wine Cooler while they groaned.
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