On the lighter side of robo-news, a doctor at Duke University, Miguel Nicolelis, is hooking monkey brains up to robots to get to the bottom of "biological magic." Meanwhile, a doctor just north of Mexico is hooking hamcreatures up to tiny party hats to get to the bottom of... HILARITY! Miguel, the one cutting open living monkey heads, believes that by learning exactly how the brain gets us to perform tasks, he can create robot parts that we can control with our minds. It all makes sense if you look at this (infotasta)graphic from the Sunday Times: From that, you can see that robots are well on their way to helping monkeys more effectively reach bananas such as the one shown here: Monkeys grabbing fruit (as shown above) is clearly only a couple steps away from helping handicapped celebrities walk again. And in case any of the Sunday Times readers didn't know what a handicapped celebrity was, they included a picture of Christopher Reeves. Good job, you god damn subnormals. Is the world really getting so stupid that we can't conceptualize the applications of a robot arm without a picture of a fucked up guy in a wheelchair? Such as this one? Totally unnecessary. It's a fucking monkey-controlled robot fucking arm, of course Christopher Reeves is going to want one.

Some analysts think that instead of a life of snack-servitude to robots, our futures could be something happier like... ... Abraham Lincoln rising from the dead to adventure through time and space. To learn more about robots and what they eat, dress up like a sandwich and go to your local Radio Shack, or follow these helpful links: Sony's New Artificial Boy - currently a non-murderer. Wonder Woman vs. the Robot Master! - an example of how food used to work AGAINST robots. Top Ranked Atrocities - a chart of the last century's worst tragedies. It might be fun to see how gastrobots will compare to say, Joseph Stalin, in terms of misery. Back to the Probe Back to Seanbaby.com