The Robot Holocaust Continutes At the University of Chicago, scientists have created a robot with the living brain of a lamprey eel, which in no god damn way could possibly end well. Just a couple months ago, I exposed the dangers of flesh eating robots and I hold local meetings to discuss with friends how much we don't want to be killed by eel-brained cyborgs or super toilets. What more can I do? How motherfucking funny do I have to be before science starts listening? I didn't want to have to do this, but how about THIS funny, science? Face Value, 1981 This was Phil Collins' first album, and he was just learning how to sing and fill his mouth with dick at the same time. That didn't stop his music from sending a powerful message of "fill my mouth with your penis, so I can rock it with saliva." Hello I Must Be Going, 1982 Yeah, "Hello I Must Be Going" to find a dick for my mouth! Nobody knows any of the songs on this piece of shit, but he received a technical achievement grammy in the area of Outstanding Enunciation with Mouthful of Dick. A star was born that night, and incredibly in Phil Collins' mouth, a tiny dick was also born. It was named "Oral Penile Spontaneous Miraculosis," after the unique mouthdick syndrome that created it. No Jacket Required, 1985 This album had the popular and retarded song, "Sussudio," which is what a normal word sounds like when you try to say it through a mouthful of dick. Here's Phil Collins ordering food: Phil: "Hello, waiter. I... don't see it on the menu, but do you serve dick?" Admiral Falafal: "No, my friend. This falafal stand. We serve falafal." Phil: "My my my, what a tragedy for my mouth. I have at least room for 7 or 8 more dicks in here." Admiral Falafal: "You go now!" ...But Seriously, 1989 Yeah, "But Seriously" put some dick in my mouth! This album had the heart wrenching song, "I Wish It Would Rain Down," which was retooled by the studio from its original title, "I Wish Someone Would Invent Dick Flavored Bubble Gum," which was retooled by Phil himself from its original original title, "Yoo hoo! Put Some Dick in This Mouth! (Sunshine Push)" Serious Hits...LIVE!, 1990 By this point in his career, Phil Collins had so many cocks in his mouth, his mouth was hired by Japan to do porno cartoons. His first feature, Penis Squid Danger Gigantor was a great success, and the mayor of Japan himself added his penis to what Japan was now calling, "Best Mouth Ever, for Dick." Congratulations to Phil Collins, and to your dick, which going-by-statistics, is probably in his award-winning mouth. Both Sides, 1993 Like the title of this poignant album, brave Phil used both sides of his mouth to suck many more dicks than previously thought possible. Here's him later at a movie: Phil: "One ticket for the movie please." Ticket Clerk "Mike": "Seven fifty." Phil: "Oh my, it appears I'm quite short. Do you accept looking at many dicked mouth as payment?" Ticket Clerk "Mike": "That's not our policy." Phil: "Please excuse me. It appears several of the dicks in my mouth have escaped!" Dance Into The Light, 1996 Drunk on his own superstardom, Phil Collins' mouth traveled this album's tour with an outrageous entourage of 400 dicks. Some critics called it overkill, but for a lucky capacity crowd in Minnesota, they called it, "Good practice for when all 30,286 needed to put our dicks in there!" This event completely restructured Minnesota fire codes as we know them. Tarzan Soundtrack, 1999 Phil did a song with 5-member boy band N'Sync on this album, but was disappointed to find that only two of them had dicks, neither of which were very useful or likeable. When asked if it was a great opportunity, N'Sync band member Jordan Knight said, "Opportunity? More like my dick in his mouth! Bye!" When Phil Collins was asked about the experience, he said, "Mrphrmmmphm!" in genital-muffled nonsense. On to Part 3 - Lamprey Eel Madness!