“Alas, I have no Sears/Wal-Mart/etc. glamour shots. My cruel parents denied me that sweetest of teenage bliss, and now it is too late. I did mannage to get together some photos of me and my deliicious leather pants, though. I couldn't decide which one I liked, so I sent you a few shots of my brazen midriff-baring glory!”

“Sorry, no topless ones. While my boyfriend refuses to wear leather, he has no compunctions about beating the shit out of me for distributing pornographic pictures of myself to colorfully decorated icons of masculinity on the Web!”