THE CIRCLE The Circle is a lot like the figure eight, only your pelvises don't travel with each other. They rotate in opposite directions to increase the speed and deadliness of the crotch impact. The video doesn't dwell on this step for very long, since without proper protection, a human groin couldn't perform it for more than three or four seconds. In fact, I needed to sit on an ice pack just from watching it. Fun Genital Support Fact: You can tell Felix isn't wearing a cup from two different clues. First: during this move, he was quicker than usual in pulling his wang away and demonstrating the move a safe distance from the impact zone, and second: there isn't a thing in those nightmare khaki pants that Felix can keep a secret. You can name the fucking outlines of the fruit on his underwear's label. And don't think I'm happy about that.

THE RAG DOLL In The Rag Doll, the lady goes sickeningly limp and leans back while the man shakes her around at top speed. This not only acts as an erotic way to dislodge anything stuck in her teeth, it's an effective way to assault other nearby dancers with her skull.

THE BASIC DIP Don't be misled by The Basic Dip's name. It's far from basic. First you dip her, then you jam your face between her boobs, heave heavily into them, and end it by quickly jabbing her crotch with yours. Judging by Felix's demonstration, a jackhammer-like velocity is more important than musical rhythm. If you do this move correctly, it should jar the woman's head loose from her spine and grind both of your pelvic bones into powder.

THE WAVE The Wave is difficult to explain. Felix and Marla take turns dodging each other while one of them tries to ram their forehead into the other's face. I have a theory that this may not be a dance step but an actual fight that broke out after the injuries sustained during The Basic Dip forced them into an injured-animal rage. Whatever it was supposed to be, it ended up looking like a clash of two powerful kung fu masters who somehow had their genitals crazy-glued together. Right: They also demonstrate The Wave in reverse in case you get turned around on the dancefloor but still want to perform your sexual headbutts correctly.

On to Part Three:
The Afro Tilt, The Spanish Drag, The Sweetheart Position, and Roll In/Roll Out

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