THE BACKWARD WALK Step backwards with the woman's body tightly against the front of your pants, then launch her out and spin her as quickly as wind resistance allows. While doing so, slap her skirt up so everyone can see her panties. Felix does this flawlessly, but he does leave out one important step-- asking the other people in the room if they would like to see Marla's panties. The answer is no, Felix. No please no.

NECK OVERSWAY I studied this step very carefully because it looked like something might have been wrong with the tape. First you grab the woman by the head, dip her, stick your shoulder in her nose, then wiggle it uncontrollably. This is a good dance step to know if you ever need to send your partner the message that you require urgent medical attention.

LEG SLIDES In Leg Slides, the woman wipes her hoo-ha down the leg of the man and then leaps towards his face when he least suspects it. Repeat several times. This may not sound so deadly, but please remember: she's not only travelling at incredible speeds, she's also attacking the man's very senses with the aroma of his middle-aged Spanish testicles, the odor of which have been firmly rubbed into her body.

PUT IT ALL TOGETHER The final step of the video, Put It All Together, shows how you can chain together all the moves you learned into one seizure-like sexual rampage. It's a maddening series of head shaking and crotch ramming that includes variations on moves you've already learned like The Circle with an added Front Head Lock, and the Neck Oversway with extended shoulder wiggling. Felix even added a previously unperformed move I named "The Bloogedy Bloogedy My Face is Smacking Against the Sides of Your Cleavage Atomic Back Breaker." By the way, no amount of vaginal assualt ever makes Marla change her expression. That woman is up to something.

Absoludicrous Rating: 3/5 The video has forced me to take at least a temporary break from having, thinking about, or creating window displays about sex. The only chance I have of getting the Dancing Dirty images out of my head is to see something more sexually terrifying. Maybe I'm being a pussy, though, since just one country of Japan away, two gross people ramming their poisonous groins against each other would be considered children's programming until they were at least covered in someone else's poop. Availability: Thankfully, the availability of this video is slim to none. Your best chance at finding this crime against crotches is to search your local Good Will or pawn shops. You may be able to rent it from a video store that never throws anything away, but it's out of print, and even when it was in print, people could notice it was a piece of garbage by glancing down at the cover from a passing airliner. Back to the Stupid Page Back to Seanbaby.com