Months ago, after receiving a surge of fucking crazy reader comics, I announced I was holding a contest to find the most talented Seanbaby reader. It is my erotic pleasure to announce the winner of the Seanbaby.com ROCKIN' Out of Summer Sweepstakes, as voted by the readers themselves. The next ROCKIN' star of tomorrow is Erik for his incredible work on the comic epic, The Slugger.

Erik, already an Old Man Murray internet celebrity, has made us laugh with his drunken trips to the mall (immortalized with the illustration to the right) and made us cry with his struggles in prison (starring Sally Field as the court-appointed nun who just won't let him give up). The fact that he's my boyfriend did not affect the contest's results in anyway, and actually hurt him when I took 30 votes away from him for peeing on me without getting permission first.

An excerpt from Erik's recent adventure:

Oh Christ, that's me, the cast of Star Trek 7, and Chet playing soccer against Levelord. Adding insult to injury, we must have demanded the artist top it off with what at the time seemed like a spectacularly hilarious quote from Austin Powers. I look sort of African-American because after I drink enough, I like to put on blackface and go serenade people at the mall. I vaguely remember Chet waving the butcher knife around and screaming for the terrified caricaturist to "Make my head bigger, you ass. And put me in a little truck! ... Littler you idiot."



Erik will also receive TWO Teletubbies Party Hats, as modeled here by Big Red and Renee, capable of turning any event into a ROCKIN' party. And while he's ROCKIN' out, he can read THREE issues of Super Friends comics with TEN American dollars hidden among them to make them more readable, ONE sheet of mistranslated Japanese diary stickers, and he gets creative control of ONE Seanbaby article - meaning if he tells me to do an exposť on things I would like to place in his ass, I'll fucking do it*.

*I hope he picks this one because I've been adding to it for four months now.
Along with being nationally recognized as THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON OF ALL TIME by Seanbaby.com, Erik wins a number of fabulous prizes.

The first is the non-classic Dazzler #2 starring Allison Blair, a mutant gifted with the power to rollerskate AND make bright lights who wears a sequin jumpsuit that would have been out of style even in Puerto Rico. She just finished defeating The Enchantress in issue #1 in a disco singing showdown for the fate of the world. First, when you're a Norse goddess fighting a girl on rollerskates, don't agree to have a disco dance-off. Immortal magicians should be above deciding a world's fate with a 7th grade talent show. And now she's back in issue 2? What kind of goddess is so sad she attacks in the very next issue? Get a hobby, bitch.

She disrupts Dazzler's concert with a swarm of demons and trolls, and the X-Men, Avengers, and Fantastic Four burst out of the crowd to explain their powers to each other. Will they be able to finish in time? Only Erik will know.

I have a special affinity for Dazzler, though; because if you draw a cock on her and color her hair funny colors, you pretty much have a picture of me. I wish I was Dazzler. Then the Enchantress would have said this about me:
"Zounds! I am undone-- and stand revealed before yon gaping populace! 'tis no meek flower of fainting heart I do face! Methinks Dazzler doth possess the avenging heart of a warrior-born... and a power and fury all her own!"


  

Erik's Acceptance Speech:

WOW!  This is unexpected but totally, totally fair.  Thank you!  Thank you to all the fine ladies who read this page and thank you to the other competitors who virtually sealed my victory by scrambling over each other to be the first to dismiss their own work with glib descriptions of how little effort they put into their entries.  I alone admitted to laboring long and hard on The Slugger,  worrying over every indelible image and each graven word.  And I guess it paid off.  I'd like to thank James Lipton, of course.   I'd like to thank Chet who was the inspiration for the character of the gay liberal media.  I definitely want to thank God for blessing me with this cartoon contest triumph when he could just as easily have spent that time keeping a few East Timoran four year olds from getting machetes jammed down their throats.  I'll be donating my prize money, the copy of Dazzler #2, and all my issues of She-Hulk that I'm done with to the Catholic Church in the hopes that it may go a little ways towards helping them hire a few more popes.  Lastly, but not leastly, I'd like to thank Seanbaby.  The very same Seanbaby without whom none of this would have been possible; not this site, nor the way I brush my giant Barbie head's hair (above right) and say "Seanbaby" over and over again in a retard voice, nor any of the other reader comics which, it turns out, were all written by Seanbaby under various pseudonyms.   To quote some homo-erotic Star Trek fan fiction, "You are now and forever shall be my boyfriend."  Thank you! 

I'd be remiss if I didn't use this public platform to address Seanbaby's many young readers:  Kids, don't do drugs like huffing gas or huffing "weed".   And if you do take some drugs, don't drive!  If you must do drugs then drive, for God's sake put on a seat belt.  If you don't think it's "hip" to belt yourself in while driving drunk on angel dust, then let me just give you this advice: don't try to put the car up on two wheels like Colt and Howie from TV's The Fall Guy.   If you find yourself deep into the fourth hour of an eight hour dextromethorphan "trip" driving one hundred miles an hour on two wheels through a picnic area, stay in school!  Good night, God bless!