Above: Street thug bullet vs. heaving tits.
System: GBA

Female TV action stars have a unique approach to fighting crime. No matter what the circumstance, they'll find a way to go undercover as a stripper or a hooker. Someone could hire the VIP girls to do security for their son's briss and they'd show up naked, acting like they did something right. On paper, you'd think this was an excuse to get the female stars into hot pants for ratings, but in fact it's just easier to take down drug dealers if more of your tit is hanging out.

The VIP game is faithful to the show, and most of your character's crime fighting procedures are peeling off clothes down to side boob. The gameplay is a lot like Rolling Thunder, if there were two Thanksgiving turkeys attached to the hero's chest. And for those interested in graphics, animation, and tits, the VIP animators made sure your breasts smack against your face every time you jump. What I'm saying is, if the EGM editors allowed me to give games official ratings, VIP would have received the Presidential Boobs Award for 100% Awesome.
As much as I love half naked TV action chicks, I always thought it would be funny if the writers for those shows got hired on shows with male characters. Maybe MacGyver is trapped backstage at a strip bar, and the only way out is to make a slutty nurse outfit out of radio wire and a natrium water reaction. It seems like most male crime fighting would end in tragedy if they used sex as their main weapon. If the villains were tricked into paying for a lap dance from a talking car or a handjob from the Incredible Hulk, the rest of the episode would be about mopping up their liquid remains. And their emissions, because that shit would be hot.

Originally appeared in issue #162