CAPTAIN TOOTSIE
The face of a baby with the body of a nazi & bear killing supermachine-- his only weakness is that he needs Tootsie Rolls to accomplish any single thing he does. Captain Tootsie rules!

THE RUNAWAY HORSE

THE RADAR RESCUE

THE MYSTERIOUS PLAN

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE TRAPS KILLER BEAR WITH INVISIBLE LIGHT

THE GIANT CANNON

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE BREAKS UP SPY RING

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE TO THE RESCUE

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE CHEERS ORPHANS

EMERGENCY LANDING

THE LOG JAM RESCUE

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE AT THE SNOW CARNIVAL

CAPTAIN TOOTSIE'S COUNTER-SPOOK

THE SECRET WEAPON!

VOLTO FROM MARS
When he says, "Volto!" his LEFT arm REPELS! And when he says, "Volto!" his RIGHT arm ATTRACTS! Grape Nuts recharge his fantastic magnetic powers through unknown but almost certainly retarded means.

"WHAT A WAY TO RUN A ROLLER COASTER!"

"LOOK! THERE ARE WHITE PEOPLE IN THAT BOAT!"

"HEY! I SMELL SMOKE!"

"A SHARK! HEY! LOOK OUT!"

"LOOK! THE MATADOR IS HURT!"

"WHY DID YOU LET THEM TIE US UP, VOLTO?"

"SWELL SHOT.. YOU'VE HIT THE BEAR!"

"HEY! LOOK- A BIG METEOR!"

ADVENTURES OF "R.C." AND QUICKIE
Two adventurers with the ability to force a discussion of RC cola into even the most dire of situations.

THE CAVE'S SECRET

THE MAD BULL

RIVER RESCUE

FOUR AGAINST THE SEA

DRAMA ON THE HIGHWAY!

FLAMING RESCUE!

FLAMING FLICKERS

THOM MCAN
Thom McAn shoes: water proof, comfortable, and when outfitted with optional bazooka attachments, can conquer the easily conquered!

HOW THOM MCAN CAUGHT THE ESCAPED CONVICTS!

FAMOUS SPORTS FLOPS - THE TOO EAGER "BEAVER"

HOW THOM MCAN BLITZED THE "BULLET PROOF MEN!"

HOW THOM MCAN RESCUED THE DOOMED LINER
ORDINARY PRODUCTS ADVERTISED IN INSANE WAYS
JUDY AND JIM DEFY SAVAGE GORILLA!

REMOVE UGLY BLACKHEADS OR NO COST

I JUST LOVE MY NEW DOLL FROM KENNER... BABY ALIVE

COLGATE JUNIOR AND CAPTAIN AMERICA - COUNT PLAQUE

BLITZED BY LIGHTNING JU-JITSU!

THE DINGO KIDS MEET O.J. SIMPSON

OLD NICK IN THE NICK OF TIME AT THE MIDGET AUTO RACES

HE-MAN AND THE WONDERS OF BIG BABOL

SUBSCRIBE TO PANIC

LIFE SIZE INFLATABLE DOLL

JOWETT "STRONG-MAN" EXERCISES

POPSICLE PETE IN HOLLYWOOD

MEET A BIT-O-HONEY - SHE MAKES A HONEY OF A RESCUE!

DAYDREAM MIKE AND HIS WONDERFUL BIKE!

HI KIDS! GET IN MY DAVY CROCKETT PLAYHOUSE TENT!

THE SECRET OF TREASURE CAVE

JIM DRISCOLL IN "DANGER ON THE FIELD"

"U.S." ROYAL WITH HIS JET-PROPELLED BIKE
No force on Earth can stand up to "U.S." and his ability to quickly ride his bicycle somewhere else to get help!

FOCUSING ON THE FIREBUG

RUINING THE RANSOM PLAN

RACING TO THE RESCUE

"SAVING THE SECRET SUPERSONIC PLANE"

"SABOTAGING THE SABOTEURS"

TRAPPING THE HIJACKERS

AFTER THE ATOM SPIES

TRAPPING A BANDIT

BEATING THE BEACH BARRAGE

SAM SPADE
A crime fighter with hair so perfectly creamed and oiled with WildRoot hair products, it's impossible not to bring it up. All the time.

DEATH ON THE SPEEDWAY

MURDER ON THE MOVIE SET

SAM TAKES HIMSELF FOR A RIDE

THE CASE OF THE TELL-TALE COMB

BAZOOKA THE ATOM BUBBLE BOY
You'd be surprised how many problems can only be solved by a little boy who floats on a bubble gum bubble.

MOUNTAIN RESCUE

PAINTER IN PERIL!

DARING RESCUE AT SEA!
RACISM & HELPING YOUR FELLOW MAN, EVEN WHEN THEY'RE A RACE
TOM MIX FOR INSTANT RALSTON

WHAT'S YOUR B.Q.?

FREE! WHILE THEY LAST! 10 "HITLER HEADS"

BUZZY SCORES ONE FOR THE HANDICAPPED!

ENJOY HILARIOUS "MONKEY SHINES" AT YOUR NEXT MASQUERADE PARTY

WHEATIES - JAP BOOBY TRAP

GIFTS FROM YOUR ELDERS!

WHEATIES - JAP LINGO

BATMAN AND ROBIN STAND UP FOR SPORTSMANSHIP!

MEATLOAF IN "HEROES HELPING HEROES"

INSANE PRODUCTS ADVERTISED APPROPRIATELY
BICYCLE WINDSHIELD - ONLY $1.00

THE BIONIC WOMAN... AND HER BIONIC BEAUTY SALON

RUB THE BUDDHA FOR MONEY!

FREE! 200 OFFICIAL ALAN LADD WALLETS!

WEAR AMAZING *SHOCKER* AND HAVE DEADLY SELF DEFENSE POWER IN YOUR HAND

ORAL ROBERTS LIFE STORY AS TOLD BY HIMSELF

CADET HEALTH SUPPORTER BELT


CHARLES ATLAS
The most famous stupid comic ad of all time from "The World's Most Perfectly Developed Man," a title he almost certainly didn't just make up himself.

THE INSULT THAT MADE A MAN OUT OF "MAC"

THE INSULT THAT TURNED A "CHUMP" INTO A *CHAMP*




Hey, kids! Ads with colored links means I've written jokes about them!




ARTICLES FROM MY OLD
STUPID COMICS PAGE

RAZORBACK
TURNER D. CENTURY
BIG WHEEL
CLOCK KING
10-EYED-MAN
RAINBOW RAIDER
MR. T & THE T-FORCE

WORDS & DESIGN BY SEANBABY
For many years, I've devoted my life to collecting stupid shit, but I'm only one man. If you have an ad that deserves to be here, let me know.

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