Our justice system is getting old and incontinent. There was a time when it put away the elusive Al Capone for murder by prosecuting him for income tax evasion and injecting him with syphilis. That was crafty. It combined all the best parts of our pussy society with Batman's sneakiness and then added syphilis. Now that same system is trying to convict Sony and them for making entertainment by prosecuting it for killing a high school. That shit wouldn't have even made a believable sub-plot on the sumo wrestling episode of Night Court.

Here's what the real problem is: Everyone thinks that everyone else is stupider than them. Even the stupid. I get emails every day from meatheads that say, "good wrk giveing shit to the morons out der! i hat stoopid peepel to!" Don't get me wrong, I'm an idiot, and I think you're all mindless apes, but I at least give you credit that you can figure out the difference between a video game and your math class.


In 1986, Exidy released a game to arcades called Chiller. You played the part of a gunman who broke into torture chambers and shot the body parts of the recently deceased. I'm not kidding, that's me getting 50 points for shooting the squatting dead chick in the ankle. And as nasty as it is, it didn't lead to one violent slaughter. Mostly because back in 1986, murder wouldn't have been invented for about 10 more years.
Your opinion of the human race gets further and further subnormal the stupider you are, because you have to imagine people out there that are less intelligent than your own already dumb ass. When Stephen Hawking says he hates stupid people he means the people that can't conceptualize four-dimensional time whores in tiny quantum panties farting out cold fusion. When morons like these Columbine parents have to imagine a public stupider than they are, you couldn't find a retarded caveman to qualify. Their opinion is, "They must play these games and think they're... like real... because thOH MY GOD THEY'RE SO STUPID THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"

This happens everywhere. Idiot movie executives dumb down scripts written already by idiots, and you get things like The Mummy Returns. Think about this: the people that made The Mummy Returns think they're smarter than you. The fact that they thought you would be stupid enough to like The Mummy Returns might be more insulting than someone's mom thinking you can't handle the persuasiveness of your Playstation.

And lawsuit people, when you're explaining why you're doing this, don't use the excuse that you're protecting the kids. If a child gets inspired to jump over a moving car or open fire on a crowd from a TV show or a game, they're not going to magically become normal-brained when they get to a certain age. Sorry, but that kid's broken. And as soon as he's old enough for you to give us our video games back, he's going to have nine moron kids of his own we need to hide everything from. But I'll make you a deal parents-- you pick your stupidest kid right now, and we'll base all the laws around him or her. And after they kill themselves trying to get on Jackass, we can all go back to living normal lives.


After seeing this video game ad, I take back all of the nice things I've ever said about video games, and have a new understanding for the horror human hair can achieve.
Here's something to keep in the back of your mind: if you're ever sueing random companies because someone who heard of them committed a crime, you're as insane and as stupid as anyone ever. And if you personally have no urges to kill after you play a video game, no one will, since you've already established yourself as the limit of jello-headedness. I don't want all the cool stuff taken away because you hat stoopid peepel. I don't want Hitler's family to be able to sue Captain America. And if I get killed by some little bastard kid, I sure as fuck don't want you to steal money from the people that made his Nintendo. I want you to spend your time tying him to the electric chair with a rope made out of scorpions.

Laws aren't designed to protect the lowest common denominator anymore, they're designed to protect the lowest common denominator from their imagination of a denominator more lowest than that. Everyone is trying to be a parent by adopting the world, and then for some reason, they rewrite the world's birth certificate to say "RETARD" on it.

At a certain age, the stupid start screaming for censorship probably as a last-ditch effort to impress God before they die. You never see geniuses or young people trying to take away movies, art, or video games. Maybe they're just selfish and want their toys. Or maybe they know that if someone is getting kill messages from their TV, taking away their TV isn't going to help. Because toasters, ashtrays, and talking sweaters can help plan a murder just as well.

I'm still not saying it's impossible that video games turn people into monsters; we know they turned one fucked up spaz into a plumber. And if they do change us, why do we have to focus on the negative applications? Make a video game about cupcakes and ship it to a starving country. BAM-- all those kids that were just sitting around growing fly farms on their eyeballs become delicious nourishing cupcakes. And hippies could make a game about a raccoon cowboy that doesn't know how to make nuclear bombs and mail it to the people that make nuclear bombs. Then we can all live in peace again, like we did before we had Doom.

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