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Although their minds have not developed, often physically the feeble-minded can be just as strong as normal people. Maybe they didn't get the Incredible Hulk over in Nazi Germany, but stupid people can sometimes be stronger than a human. Sometimes they can turn over a damn truck or rip apart a Subnormal Containment Cage with their bare hands (paws). 
I really shouldn't know so much more about retarded people than the person in charge of reading the Bible to them; I'm just some guy with a TV. A guy with a TV who, if also was black, and getting made fun of by Sean Connery might hear, "You're the man now, DOG!"Jan and Henk were fighting before the church service. It took rather a strong effort to separate the wrestling men. I got Jan outside the building. Henk was allowed to join the church service. But I was not surprised when after church I found Jan outside the door and he told me that he had made up his mind to break a chair on the guilty head of Henk. Whenever Corrie ten Boom tells a story, all of the subnormals, such as the one riding the regular normal at the upper right, are really articulate and full of idealistic wisdom. Now, this might support my theory that all this crap is made up, or it might support a new theory that this lady has no idea what a retarded person is. I prayed for wisdom and the Lord gave it. "Listen, boys," I said; "do you know that this is the way the war started? Two men quarrelled, and some took the side of one and some the side of the other. This grew and grew till two countries were fighting a war. Then other countries joined in, and now we have a World War." I-I don't like the way this is going. Something's... not right. The faces of all the feeble-minded people around looked anxious. What were they to do? One World War was bad enough, and now Jan and Henk had perhaps started another. Oh my god. If Corrie ten Boom's insane moral from a make-believe story is accurate, two retarded people wrestling in a church might have started a World War. Which would be a lot funnier if that wasn't the exact reason for all the conflict still going on in the Middle East today, or if ninety percent of this planet's people weren't living their lives based on insane morals from make-believe stories. I'm not saying everyone in the world is a retard, even though now that I've stopped watching TV, I CAN. "I wish I knew someone who could help us," I said with a deep sigh. Henk suddenly got an idea. "I know someone," he shouted. "The Lord Jesus." "Sure He can help us. Let us ask Him!" 
If you add a juice machine, Corrie ten Boom and her team of retardeds live a fucking script from an infomercial. Which makes me wonder why we have all of the subnormals greeting us at the door of department stores. It looks like their wisdom would serve the world better if we hired them as religious advisors. Oh, but wait. There are only so many religious advisor positions to fill. What are we going to do with all the other feeble-mindos?I know the first thing that comes to mind is to tap into their sometimes-normal strength and place them into full contact freestyle caged combat matches, but take a wild guess of who's already thought of that. That's right, the god damn Japanese. I'm completely serious. (source: Jan, 2001 Bizarre Magazine, "I am Spasticus!") It's like they're daring the world to blow them up. If you look to the right, that's the Japanese retarded-fighter No Sympathy attacking another retarded person, who the Japanese thought would look extra fucked up if they dressed him in a black thong. Which he would and they did. Are we out of atomic bombs or something? What could we possibly be waiting for? That same evening, while I was pulling the curtains to prepare for the black-out, I saw Henk and Jan walking before the house arm-in-arm. Both smiled at me and seemed to say, "All is well now. There won't be another World War!" When you saw people hug at the end of the Special Olympics, you might have thought it was because they were too cheap to buy trophies. But after hearing this story, we now know that it's actually to prevent World Wars. But guess what? You can't put that on a trophy case either. Cheap bastards.
As the first book I've read that didn't have a three-dimensional dinosaur pop out of the center, I give it a 10 out of 10. As a piece of literature that will affect anyone's life in a positive way, I give it a -4 out of 10, a score so low it destroys the entire structure of the scoring system. And I can't describe it in words since the only adjectives I now know are used to specifically describe different
levels of mental handicapation in headspazzes, it looks like common sense not needed is going to come out of this review with only one score: a perfect 10 out of 10 in the category of Not Having any Dinosaurs. Good work, Corrie ten Boom. Or as Sean Connery might say if he was making fun of insane subnormal missionaries, "What the fuck is the matter with you, woman?!" |
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