February 10th, 1999 - Killer Cops Nearly Slapped on Hand

The New York police officers that shot and killed African immigrant, Amadou Diallo, last Thursday were forced to undergo retraining. Since the innocent man was hit by 19 bullets, it was decided that firing range practice would not be the focus of the cops' training. Instead, they will have to take a strenuous object recognition class. In it, they will be shown a number of household objects, and they are to decide whether they are a gun or not a gun. This course is similar to the game played with infants when learning to speak. After two brutal hours of this, the police will be reissued their drool bibs and weapons, and sent back to work protecting the streets.

A spokesman for the police said, "Ow! Fuck!" after one of the officers he represents accidentally shot him in the knee. The officer was then sent back to retraining where sources say he almost learned to read.
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