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August 21st, 1999 - Seanbaby = fagboy?|
"Homosexuals" such as actor Tom Cruise, have been conspiring for years to overtake the "Regulosexuals" for their own wicked purposes. They've used everything from musical propaganda to colorful cocktails to hypnosis to corrupt our youth into a life of animal molestation and/or ass ramming. For months, proper America (proper: adj. an American that sticks its circumsized penis in only compatible and self-lubricating orafices) has been able to read about this frightening conspiracy on FagWatch.com (currently shut down due to conquering of all fags). On this page, they have uncovered some of the best held gay secrets, such as the mysterious "Homo Ring." This is a small circular patch of pink handbags that grows in the forest. It is said that anyone foolish enough to step inside will be taken away by fairies. They will then be trained in secret homo arts in underground gymnasiums until they are ready to sneak into homes, steal babies, and replace them with small porcelain figurines. Never lock eyes with one of these beasts, as their stare alone is enough to make you crave the taste of cock. |
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 Miguel Roya, the misunderstood savant behind Fat Chicks in Party Hats, is also doing his part to educate the world about homosexuals with photos (above) and captions like this: "DOKTOR has a choo choo on his head. it is because he is a fag." |
One brave man chose to make an enemy of Fagwatch.com - to stare down the bible of gay bashers and attack, using his own limited understanding of comedy. He rides a seahorse to protect our seas and soars high on the wings of imagination to fight for freedom over land and air. He is known to the natives simply as Seanbaby. Fag Watch has stolen this man's image from his fabulous homepage, renamed it "fagboy.jpg" and is using it as the visual aid against perversion - the latex-sealed posterboy of gay. The homosexual community looked up from their lifestyle magazines to scream their disapproval of this decision. Said one furious gay, Michael Brotnov, "Gay? I went to college with Sean, and that slut fucked any girl that got to close to him. If that guy is gay, he tricked every single girl I know - and sometimes their mothers. I'm pissed off those rednecks used a picture of him to represent us! He may dress and dance like a fag, and occasionally want to snuggle, but--" his speech was cut short by a tackle from a man in vinyl shorts and a leather cap that dragged him to a hot tub party with two men in bikinis. Seanbaby is known for insulting many things you baboons hold dear, including special-interest groups, babies dressed up like fruit, small toys that electronically shout catch phrases when you drop them, and even vitamins and minerals which were very offended by his widely read article, "10 lamest rocks in Panama." But he is best known for his bashing of gay bashers. Below is an excerpt from his clumsy attack at their website, formerly known as the American Guardian, America's frontline defense against perversion. |
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Originally on my Links Page: In a marketing decision that made drinking Zima seem butch, Bud Light did an ad with two guys holding hands. This was very responsibly reported on in the American Guardian: On Thursday, April 22, Anheuser-Busch placed an advertisement in a local St. Louis homosexual publication, EXP Magazine. The Bud Light (an Anheuser brand) ad depicts two men holding hands with the taglines, "Be Yourself and Make It a Bud Light" and "Proud Sponsor of the St. Louis Pridefest '99." Please contact Bud and let them know that their ad represents perversion and child abuse. Holding hands = child abuse. When you believe there's an invisible old man living in the clouds that cares about where you put your dick, this kind of statement actually seems pretty logical. But besides lessons in creative thinking, the American Guardian also keeps a running list of Celebrity Trash who Support Homosexual Marriages. The trashiest? You guessed it, it's The Golden Girls' Bea Arthur. |
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This article brought me more trouble than you think. Not only am I immortalized as a fagboy on one of most widely laughed at sites on the web, I was also attacked by trashy gay-marriage supporter Bea Arthur, who sent me a long death threat along with these two graphics:
 
The attack didn't stop there. They based an entire episode of their "sitcom with diapers" on striking back at me. It started with Blanche complaining about how her latest lover was a rude man who looked like a fagboy (that's me - played by young prop comedian Carrot Top). The others traded sarcastic quips about how young and gay he is, until he interrupts them by walking in, freshly-fucked and wearing a smoking jacket. He sits down for breakfast with the old ladies, and asks, "Hey, didja ever notice how grapefruit always squirts you RIGHT in the eye no matter where you are? What's up with that?" Then he stuck the other half of his grapefruit down his shirt and screamed, "Look! I have breast cancer!!!" The group ended up talking about Menopause on an outing to the fair, I was killed in some kind of wacky carnival accident, and all the golden gals ended up being decapitated and placed on little plates (pictured to the right). Blanche mentioned how she missed her vagina, and Rose told a long, dragging story of her early days on the farm where she had lost her crotch for a couple of weeks before it showed up one morning on the doorstep with a note. Before she could say what the note said, Dorothy interrupted her with her final death moans. Then "I" burst in, put a frisbee on my head and said, "Look! I'm a frisbee!" The credits start rolling as I sit down to eat the brains of the old lady heads with a hilariously oversized spoon. |
 "Hello, welcome to my website. I am pleased to have a way to keep in touch with you. I will be actively involved with this website and will be updating it regularly with what's happening. I am excited about the release of my new CD, "The Return of Johnny Bravo" on September 28th." |
Like FagWatch.com, Barry Williams also has his own website. On it, he describes his musical comeback to his fans, answers his frequently asked questions, and even has audio clips of his alter ego, Johnny Bravo's painful cover of Good Day Sunshine. TV's Greg may not send spies deep into pits of homo depravity to uncover their dark secrets like Fag Watch, but stylistically, the two sites have a lot in common. Both pages talk to visitors as if they were supporters or fans, and not people laughing hysterically at the delusional retards. The only real difference between Greg Brady and Fag Watch is the fact that Greg decorates his pad with disco balls and Farah Fawcett posters instead of deer heads and confederate flags. Also, Greg owns an orange jumpsuit with sequins. But what did I think about Fag Watch's attack? When I first saw my picture on the site, I pointed and laughed. I called over my boyfriend/pool boy to look at the funny fag picture I'd found, and laughed so hard, vodka-grapefruit cosmopolitan came out my nose. But when Antonio explained to me that it was MY picture, I flew into a violent rage, destroying most of our well decorated cottage, and stopping only for a slow oil massage. I realize now I don't mind if people are gay, as long as they do it in front of me and maintain sultry eye contact. And I don't care if people are fucking idiots, as long as they do it in the privacy of their own home. So in conclusion - touchι, Fag Watch. |
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