Uncompelling words from a fat kid as he struggles to make use of the shitty skeleton he got for Christmas instead of the Easy Bake Oven he wanted.
February 17th 1999 - Sectoids love big asses
Fat people projected their glandular angst at a fitness center in San Fransisco earlier this week after reading a billboard with a picture of an alien saying, "When they come, they will eat the fat ones first." Twenty five people took it personally and got off their frosting stained couches to take a bus down to the fitness center and picket. They held up pro-fat person signs and chanted "Eat me!" until all the talk about eating made them hungry and they left for ice cream.
One of the angry overweighters was Maralyn Wann, nearly famous author of the book, "Fat! So?" who threatened on public radio to sit on anyone who stereotyped fat people. You know, stereotypes like fat people being able to cause injury with their enormous mass. She was collecting information for her new book, "Still fat! and Other Lard Recipes!" Without her inarticulate hatemongering, the chubby crowd might have realized the fitness center's billboard was just a joke. The fitness industry does not have some sort of secret knowledge of alien eating habits and were only speculating that the Grimloid Alphans prefer the taste of fatty flesh and will corral all fat humans into huge prison camps after their invasion in the year 2013.
The nonremorseful manager of the fitness center said, "Oh no. It looks like we lost the tubbies' business. Guess no one's going to have a heart attack on the stair master this week." He then smacked an overweight protestor in the head and ran. He repeated this until the fat guy passed out from exhaustion. A fun time was had by all until word of this abuse got back to Fatty McButtock, chairman of the board for O.B.E.S.E. (Odiferous Butts Excreting Sickening Emisions). He ordered another protest, but by that time, he and his supporters were out of breath.
This sent to me by Proud Feather from the Fat Kid Camp:

THE MONTH-OLD slogan has infuriated more than 30 "fat rebels" who came out Monday to protest the ad and the anti-fat ethos they say is prevalent in many gyms. "It's really hard for fat people to get into the gym anyway. To alienate them before they even walk in the door is cruel," said Rebekah Bridges, who handed out lollipops to passers-by.
"I may be fat, but I'm fit, I'm happy, I'm sexual. I'm all of those things. How dare an ad-man decide for society that we're not allowed to be someplace," Bridges said.
She was joined on the sidewalk by several other larger women and men who chanted "Eat me!" A fitness trainer for the rival World Gym even ran an impromptu aerobics session during the sidewalk protest, leading four participants through a rigorous high-kneed, arm-pumping routine.
Others waved handwritten signs that read "Fat and Fit" and "Honk If You're Fat," which received loud support from traffic on the busy downtown street.
Company officials say they didn't intend to offend anyone. "Sometimes humor helps make things easier, and can even be motivational," 24 Hour Fitness said in a statement. Carlsbad-based 24 Hour Fitness has 284 gyms in 10 Western states, Europe and Asia.
Marilyn Wann, who organized the protest, said the company's ad isn't funny, and took her "fat rebels" to the front lines to be seen and heard.

This was broadcast on my secret Trouble Alert:

"I can't believe that a gym would have so little concern about the health of people," said protest leader and author Marilyn Wann, whose book "Fat!So?" seeks to challenge social stereotypes about fatness.
"I represent the 97 million Americans who are fat. We're 55 percent of the population, it's really not safe to alienate us because we might just sit on someone," Wann told KCBS radio.

NES & EGM    Kick to the Groin    Super Friends    Hostess Fruit Pies
Absoludicrous Video    Stupid Comic Ads    Classic

About the Site    Contact