Lawsuit Four: Italians vs. The Sopranos|
Reason for Lawsuit: Dumbasses
Seeking: Don't Ask, Seriously.
They claim that the problem with the Sopranos is that it makes it look like most members of the Italian mafia are of Italian descent. In the show's defense, this was a decision made after test audiences said that having the Italian mafia being made up of Jamaican French Canadians was totally fucked up.
Here's a hard fact of reality hitting you in the face: There may come a day when a jar of intergalactic peanut butter makes all of our television programs magically come to life. And then, yes, every single Italian person would be a hard-nosed mob enforcer. But by the same logic, every single millionaire playboy would be Batman. So it would all even out in the end, and maybe even be better once you consider how we'd also have Flipper.
When you've been stereotyped, it just means that every stranger makes a fool of themselves when they meet you. For example, I ask every black person I meet if they have a thirty inch penis. It really hurts their feelings, especially the women, but after they finish taking it out, flinging it around, and pulling a fully-loaded truck up the street with it, stereotypes are done affecting their life. No one is really going to to walk up to an Italian and say, "Oh, you're with those spaghettio guys... what do you call them, Italian? Hey, could you kill my friend Frank? Thanks, I'll be over here." If they do, then you're obviously telling retarded people how Italian you are. Why are you doing that, you fucking weirdo?
I, like the Italians in question, own a television. And although I may not have solved the mystery of which is it and which is the real non-TV world, I did learn from a popular commercial for pasta sauce that "Italians love life, [they] love love... ah, but most of all... they love PASTA." Certainly with this kind of positive campaign running just a few channels away from the Sopranos, even our very very stupid minds should come out of it with a healthy view of Italian-Americans. Yes, they're criminals and racketeers, but full of passion, ready to fall in love, and completely covered in creamy delicious pasta.
Most Americans probably want the lawsuit to get the Sopranos taken off their televisions. We hate it when our shows hypnotize us into hating groups of people. If we would have had lobbyists like these brave Italian-Americans back when Mr. Ed was on the air, we might not have wasted so many lives thinking that horses talked. Whether the lawsuit goes through or not, we may never know what affect the Sopranos has had on our ability to love our brothers. But thanks to this lawsuit, we can say one thing for sure: at least one anti-defamation league of Italian Americans is totally fucking stupid and thinks we're stupider.
The case will probably get plea bargained down to forcing HBO to put a disclaimer at the beginning of the show saying, "These people are not trapped in a box. They are moving pictures of people playing make-believe. They did not write this message. I did. Hi, I'm Mike. I work in the editing room here at HBO. But here's my point: Many real-life people are not murderers. Hey, a raisin! There's a raisin in here!"