February 14th, 1999 - Obligatory Romance Article
For the makers of Shakespeare in Love, Valentine's Day proved to be more than just a tool to lower the self esteem of single people. So many men were taken against their will to this film in the hopes of getting sex, it has now earned $36.16 million. All men attending the movie on their own were immediately attacked by Jerry Falwell and accused of being gay. A recent poll of male viewers gave the following results:

17% said "It was barely worth getting laid over."
20% said "I'm no linguist, but I don't think anyone ever talked like this."
63% said "I didn't see it. I spent Valentine's Day on www.valentineday.com with my inflatable Borg girl doll."

Said Seanbaby about the movie, "I didn't make Joyce watch Ultimate Fighting Championship with me, she better not want me to go see this crap." He then went on to insult the movie he didn't see anyway, in the hopes no one would notice he makes fun of people that do the same thing. All statistics in this article provided by a homeless man with Turrets Syndrome.
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