Page Two: The Golden Arches Strike

A new shadow started looming on the Adoracubby horizon. The ubiquitous fast-food chain McDonald’s began having trouble maintaining the molecular consistency of their Chicken McNuggets. Through years of research they found that Adoracubby blood could be processed into paste capable of solving their dilemma. Now, entire flocks of Adoracubbies are hunted and slaughtered for their precious blood. At the current rate, the population will be wiped out in less than a decade.  It seems as though nature has a sense of irony. What the Adoracubbies did to the Blarg is now happening to them. 

"Yes, the entire situation does indeed suck the shit straight out of a dead man's asshole. But Alex and I will persevere. We will fight the good fight. We will prevail!" shouted Chris.

Many famous citizens have joined the cause, touting the need to preserve our natural wonders.

TV’s Ralph Hinkley, the Greatest American Hero
Pop diva Christina Aguilera

South Carolina 
senator Strom Thurmond
Lance Link, Secret Chimp
"Mankind's unquenchable thirst for resources is strangling the planet and its inhabitants. We all need to be heroes, standing together to stop this madness." "God, those cuddly guys are so cute! I want to save them all and keep them at my house as pets! They're cuter than Eminem, and they donut cuss me out in the press." "ZZZZZZZZZZ… 




"We must save all of Gods creatures from cruel humans. Believe me, you do not want to know what my trainers did to get me to ‘perform’ for the camera."

Schizophrenic singer/songwriter and popular Napster find Wesley Willis
"I whipped McDonald’s ass! 
I whipped McDonald’s ass! 
Rock over London, rock on Chicago 
Pontiac - we build excitement!"
Sean Reiley, the web master of, is the foremost man responsible for bringing the plight of the Adoracubbies to national attention.

However, many are not too sure that the cause is well founded. Here are a handful of the detractors to Sean's crusade. 

Motor City Madman Ted Nugent

TV's Zorak

President Elect 
George W. Bush

Satan, the Prince of Boy Bands and Darkness
"Hunting them preserves the natural cycle of our ecosystem. Plus it's a goddamn good time. What part don't you understand, moron? MWAHAHAHA!" "Yeah, they're so adorable and cute. 

And they even stay crunchy in milk!

"I don't care about these creatures. 

I'm too busy plotting to 'take care' of some old 'leftist friends.'

"God did not create these creatures. Man did. Therefore when they die their souls belong to me. More fuel for the Hell forge! MWAHAHAHA!"

"I'm the Jack in The Box.
Buried in my shit!
Wooon't yooou cooome and save me?!"
The rival Jack in the Box chain spokesman has raised his voice as well. 

"OK, we need to boycott McPondMold’s now! Not only are they endangering an entire species, but also they're doing it to make a shitty product. Have you tasted those McNuggets, let alone their ass-patties known as burgers? I flush tastier shit down my toilet! OK, their fries are good, but given the choice between McNuggets and a hydrochloric acid enema, I’d rather take the enema. I’d rather have my testicles gnawed off by wild hyenas. I’d rather…"

"Shut the fuck up, Jack!
Christ, we get the point already!"

"Watch your tongue, wench! 
I am Jack’s smirking revenge!"
Lance Steele, meteorologist, artist, concerned citizen, and goddamn leftist, made a radical departure from his duties as the objective creator of Acute Dilemma to state his views on the subject.

"Every dollar donated will go straight into my pocket…er…the National Save-the-Adoracubbies Fund," he said.

Author Lance Steele
McDonald’s iconic Ronald McDonald is now in prison on charges ranging from pedophilic acts to vehicular manslaughter, so he is not available for comment.

The new corporate spokesman, the Hamburglar, is not responding to inquiries.

Whatever your stance, the truth is these creatures are in grave danger. I urge you to choose the right side. 

"We’d like to thank all of our supporters, celebrity and ordinary civilian alike. With your help, I may *SNIFF* still be alive 10 years," Chris sobbed.