Batman vs Bizarro
Video (0:37)

Batman Is An Idiot
Video (0:14)

Brilliant Batplan
Video (0:42)

Crafty Villain
Video (0:33)

Dinosaur Attack
Video (0:34)

The Greatest BAT-Hits
Video (0:58)

Batgirl's Pie
Video (0:53)

Giant Jellyfish
Video (0:56)

Super Hobbits
Video (0:45)

Speedy Rescue
Video (0:33) + Comic

Batman Got One!
Video (0:32)

"Ha ha ha, you stupid bitch, Batgirl."
Video (0:16)

Old School Stupidity
Video (0:50)

vs. Batman and Robin Androids
Video (0:43)

Inflatable Batman
Video (1:03)

Belt Neutralizing Ray!
Video (0:31)

Batman did the best he could as a superhero, but there's only so much you can do with no powers and a bunch of toys. If the Super Friends were fighting an army of robots, Superman would melt hundreds by looking at them, Samurai would tornado them into space, and Firestorm would turn the rest into pretty balloons. They always had to save one for Batman, though, who would spend five minutes working out a complicated pulley system with his batropes to tie one up, and hope it breaks when he bonks it gently into a wall. Thanks, Batman, we couldn't have done it without you. I guess it's better than Aquaman who usually fought robots by sticking his head in the nearest sink and pretending to be soap. I know that seems weird, but robots are pretty easy to trick.

He's basically as clumsy, stupid, and inept as everyone else on the show, but doesn't have any powers to help you forget. I think that's why he hangs out with Robin. Because when you're standing next to a little masked boy in his underwear, the last thing people are going to mention is how you're useless in a fight.

I know the ice skates that pop out of the bottom of his shoes are great, and I swear to Christ he once shot Bat Lube out of his leg, but some of the things he had were insane. There was a button on the Batjet that makes it travel through time and space. And knowing Batman, he had the same option installed on all his Bat-Vehicles and didn't label one single button. It's just a matter of time before he accidentally bumps a switch on the Bat-Go Kart and sends himself into deep space 20 years ago without a helmet. Which is something that may or may not kill him depending on who's drawing him that episode.

The main reason they let him move into Hall of Justice was because he brought the super batcomputer with him. Most of us can understand that kind of thing. I dated an ugly girl in third grade because she had the best Transformers, and let a hobo move in with me for a few months because he sucked the algae off the side of the fish tank.

After they moved that giant computer in, they knew they could never get rid of Batman. Who else could run it? None of the buttons even had letters on them, and the randomly flashing lights for "Toast is Done" were just as frantic as "Earth in Path of Comet." It took a six week course just to add numbers on the damn thing. One morning, Aquaman launched a nuclear missile at Canada while he was trying to balance his checkbook on it.

The Bat-Crime Computer