Black Manta never had a chance from the start. His arch nemesis was Aquaman for Christ's sake. I know 40 year old people still mopping up spilled eggs in aisle 12 that set their sights higher than that. Black Manta is like the guy that comes into the bar and picks a fight with the smallest guy he can find. He thinks he's going to have it easy -- all the fun of kicking someone's ass, with none of the stress of them being tough enough to stop you. The only problem is that most little people know they're little and they have big friends. And Aquaman has has the biggest friends on the planet. He doesn't live in the Hall of Justice because of the big TV and the peephole in Wonder Woman's shower. He lives there because he knows Black Manta or any other guy with two arms and a helmet could knock his teeth out. But when Superman or Green Lantern are both one C.B. call away, Black Manta's going back to washing dishes at the Red Lobster with a bag of ice on his face and some reality kicked directly into his spine.

The Legion of Doom wasn't polite enough to find water adventures like the Super Friends do for Aquaman. Black Manta's submarine gathered a lot of dust while he waited for that one plan for world domination where everyone needed to go swimming first. So besides cleaning the pool, Black Manta's main Job of Doom was holding things Lex Luthor gave him and sometimes shooting them at people. I want to know how he got that job. Was he Lex's college roommate or something? Is there an application process to get in? According to recently discovered documents, yes. Eleven brave men died to bring you this...

Black Manta's Application

Of all the stupid thing's Lex Luthor's done, I still can't believe he thought he needed to hire someone to counter Aquaman. The Pistons didn't spend their first round draft pick to get someone who could counter the Chicago Bull's Gatorade boy. During World War 2, Japan didn't come up with elaborate strategies to eliminate our side's Bob Hope. Besides, if Lex was really serious about getting rid of Aquaman, there are guys with fishing shows that would have been better choices than Black Manta. You give those guys a can of worms and a jetboat, and they'll catch a fish bigger than you before the first commercial. Black Manta's only mentionable powers are a bug-eyed hat, a boat license, and not feeling shame. That couldn't catch him a mail-order bride.


Telepathic Scrambler
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Laser Atom Smasher!
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Can't See His Water Beast!
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Fucking Idiot
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Steals Aquaman's Powers?
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Rams Aquaman!
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vs. Flash
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In the middle of his career, Black Manta changed his outfit's color and was regular Manta. I'm pretty sure this was to get a fresh start. You can only lose to Aquaman so many times before the clerk at 7-11 has no problem ignoring you when you demand the money in the register. Besides dropping the "Black," he completed his disguise by getting two old men in fast food paper hats to be his sailor sidekicks. It didn't work. The Super Friends recognized him as the same guy who'd spent the last 10 years driving his submarine into rocks and getting tangled in seaweed. I don't know how they got so clever in exposing identities. Sure, all he did was change his outfit's color to olive, but most people's secret disguises on the show were just a pair of glasses or a different pair of underwear. None of them ever got discovered.