• From: Sean
  • Age: 14
    21-Jul-99 01:14 PM
  • people who think you suck are frickin' pansies!!!!! you rule that's all there is. Thanks for your words of inspiration. I'm printing out your message and making it into a button in the likely event that someone tells me I suck.

    That way I can reply, "According to this button, based on the words of a 14 year old boy, you are a... frickin' pansy. So ther-- yeah... yeah, you're right. I suck."

  • From: Ryan
  • Age: 17
  • Homepage: http://welcome.to/starwars.net
    21-Jul-99 02:23 PM
    Special response from Randy (left):
    "He makes a good point, Seanbaby. He might even be a little bit funnier than you too - he did say 'GAY.' Looks like you lose this round, fag. Hey, do you like my glasses? I found them in a dumpster."

  • From: Mr. Bo-jangles
  • Age: I fuck donkeys
  • Homepage: What?
    31-Jul-99 06:17 AM
  • You would be much cooler if you had a monkey on your shoulder. Another fashion tip from someone who thinks "AGE" means "LIST THE ANIMALS YOU HAVE SEX WITH." Thank you for the comedy and the advice. Dipshit.

  • From: Shanifa Latifa Bonifa Jackson
  • Age: -2.74
    01-Aug-99 01:40 PM
  • Soooo... If you didn't have a girlfriend would you consider dating a fat chick in a party hat? Would you ever consider becoming one? I think it'd be a great way to break the ice at parties. "Hey, I'm a fat chick in a party hat!" Ah hee hee... Funny.

    Would you mind confirming that I'm the loveliest person to ever sign your guestbook? Please?

    Hey kids. Even though your parents blame you for their divorce, you have terminal cancer, and one of your eyes is just a grape you jammed in there, it could be worse. You could be this idiot.

  • From: Sheepieman
  • Age: In sheepie years I'm 83
    07-Aug-99 11:09 AM
    Hello, Seanbaby. I am Sheepieman. I have the power to control sheep. I'm more powerful than the mighty AQUAMAN!! I am coming to get you Seanbaby. You will DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (Insert kooky laughter here) YOU SHALL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!!

  • From: Kibby Fitzpatrick
  • Age: 20
    08-Sep-99 07:54 PM
  • Hey man,
    Let me tell you something...
    you're ugly,and you're as funny as the colorado incident.

    Racist fucks like you should be shot and pissed on.
    Racists are better people than you, and I'll explain why. Screaming at someone for being ugly or unfunny is mean since those people can't do anything about it. But different races like Africans and Mexicans? They can just move.

    From: Lisa
    Age: 27
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: Didn't read 'em all yet.
    Comments: Well, I was laughing and having fun and thinking you were generally cool until I got to the 'fat people' articles. Not cool. Picking on fat people make you feel big, Seanbaby? Is that it?
    "Most readers were able to recognize those articles as jokes, but you figured out that I only put up the page to feel better about myself. And just as I thought it was working, an angry fat reader ate my left leg. Now I feel like crap again. Better go write some handicapped jokes."

    From:Billy Man
    Age:That none of your fucking business Cock knocker
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's:Fuck You
    Comments: I don't really have anything against your site I just felt like ripping into this guest book. So here goes- This is the worst page I have every seen. Do you really think anyone cares about all the innane things you prattle on and on about. Now don't try and say some shit about how we don't have to look at your site because I personally have to. Due to my rare glandular condition if I don't constantly read Seanbaby's home page I swell up and die. So make it better for all our sakes. Thank you
    "Good one. It looks like this funny sarcastic shit is harder to do than you thought."

  • From: I love Seanbaby's rascist ass.
  • Age: 21
  • Homepage: http://null
    10-Sep-99 05:35 AM
  • Seanbaby - Rascist? Yes. Yes he is. But is this going far enough? Is this not discriminating against all the other Groups/individuals that Seanbaby systematically shits all over? Yes it most certainly is.

    Here then, is a definitive list of all the ists that Seanbaby ist:

    Frenchist, Fagist, Fatist, Shortist, Canadianist, Autisticist (that sounds like a fucking excellent name for a big transformer you build out of 5 or 6 little transformers), Religionist, Fuckheadist, Mexicanist, Aquamanist, crappyfuckingnesgameist, Himselfist etc. etc. etc.
    Not to mention his steady and seething hatred for his loyal fan-base, his parents (apparently), and the hairs on his lubricated ass. About the only people he (inexplicably) won't tear to pieces seem to be yeasty, whiney, 15-year-old, hilfigger-wearing, shit-poem-writing, silverchair-listening, hot-looking drill bits named TammySara. This may have something to do with an age-to-tit-size ratio of some kind. In closing... fuck off, you niggerloving bitch, Kibby. P.S. I think I just ate troll bait. Tastes salty and sticky.
    I'm more and more racist depending on how big a crybaby you are, but I think that guy just mentioned it so he had a good reason to hate me. He probably realized shooting me and peeing on me would be excessive for not having a good page. I deleted a message from him this afternoon that was just a rewording of the same thing, so at least he's still reading the site and not enjoying it.

  • From: Noreaga
  • Age: 20
    12-Sep-99 01:00 PM
  • This has got to be the largest collection of pointless garbage on the net. Do you bloated retards really find this trash funny? I can't help but laugh at all you clowns. Really, do you lifeless mutts find this crap funny? Twinkies?? I got your twinkies right here, bend over and I'll insert them into your anal passage, I guess that will be different from your usual doseage of meat.

    So while you are all spitting semen in the village, I will be taking my Louie from the Ville Slugger Baseball Bat and crush all you fake lame handicaped fools......

    Keep reaching for that rainbow...

    You can't stop all of us!!
    A note to you and the recent surge of anti-me geniuses:
    You should be careful not to bitch about something being unfunny and following it up with a lot of stuff that's unfunny. Is there some kind of internet comedy handbook I didn't get that said, "all uses of the words 'anal passage' is hilarious." Every time you idiots talk for more than a sentence, somebody always gets fucked in the ass.

  • From: Aids Cures Fags Like Sean
  • Age: 44
  • Homepage: http://www.yoderanium.com/webhome/aidscuresfags
    10-Sep-99 08:59 PM

    [this repeated many times. -Seanbaby]
    You hate groups really need to start using your time more productively. You're shouting out anti-gay Southern t-shirt slogans at a straight man's guestbook. I don't hang out in teen chat rooms typing out "Prostate Cancer Cures 44 Year Old Men!"*

    * total lie.

  • From: Travis Fury
  • Age: 20
  • Homepage: http://listen.to/pumakid
    10-Sep-99 10:39 PM
  • Wow.
    That guy made my Columbine comment seem kosher.
    Sean is a lot cooler than I thought...he's the only "fag" I've ever known to be obsessed with Lynda Carter's body.
    And shotguns cure rednecks.
    Hee hee.
    I'm also the only "straight" man that could light a city with the burning passion I feel for Lamar Lattrell.

    From: blake
    Age: 19
    Comments: Yeah. People who draw little colored pictures for a living and watch anime cartoons and play doom all day long are soooo much cooler than those who go to Star Trek conventions, of all things. I think your page is pretty funny, but why don't you read an actual book every once in while before you decide to spout off on things you know nothing about.
    "That's a very nice message, Blake, and if there are (actual) books out there that I still need to read like 'How Star Trek conventions are really cool' by Blake Superstar, let me know. But I think you've mixed me up with somebody else. However, you signed my guestbook, and I want to help you. Since you brought up levels of people's uncoolness, here is a scale you can use to avoid any confusion in the future. It goes from Coolest to Least cool:
    5: People who draw little colored pictures for a living.

    4: People who watch anime all day long.

    3: Doom nerds.

    2: Anyone who's ever gone to a Star Trek convention, (of all things).

    1: You."

  • From: Travis Fury
  • Age: 20
  • Homepage: http://listen.to/pumakid
    22-Sep-99 05:33 PM
  • Jesus Christie!
    Did you take your "bitter pills" today, or what?
    I realize that some of the people who respond on this guestbook are...well, let's call 'em "Home Improvement viewers".
    That notwithstanding, I don't believe all of your readers are idiots. Sure, some are a bit obsessive, and some make a game about you by hacking the ROM for "Legend of Kage", but on the whole, we're just a wholesome bunch of under-aged kids trying to read some fucked up humour about midgets and Evangilists...
    Is that so WRONG?
    Maybe it is.
    Nice page. Gotta love Ultra Baby X. Reminds me of me. But slightly older.
    Why do you people think I'm going to be polite to stupid people in my guestbook when most of the entire page is devoted to making fun of them? I'm not going to change my entire personality to accomodate the feelings of a 15 year old kid with a barbarian name who decides to make a public fool of himself here. But if you promise to stop posting your deep sociological statements here, I'll respond to every note with "THANKS, PAL!" and a picture of me hopping.

    From: Mo
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: Stupid
    Comments: I noticed from your picture that your hair is sometimes orange, and sometimes bright green. Good thing that hair, which is brightly colored in a myriad of unnatural shades, isn't a bit stupid, huh? What a relief for you.
    "Hey, I didn't visit 'Mo's Stupid Colored Hair Page' and leave sarcastic notes in your guestbook, fucker."

  • From: Bronx, the magical Jezuz Cow.
  • Age: You can't break it before you buy it.
  • Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/alexlebeau
    22-Sep-99 06:04 PM
  •              Bitter Pills!  The San Francisco Treat!
                 Egh.  Most of the readers of this page who've proven themselves to have an outstanding IQ of about 15 are most likely the same people who hound me on ICQ with fucked-up messages like "do you send porn pictures" and "hI i LiKe U!"   It's usually caused by too much time nursing the lead paint chips in their 90 y/o classrooms in Upstate Buttfuckville.  Sad cases, really.
                And still, this page has again given me reason to smile amidst my mother's naked running about the house with her customary bottle of Tequila and the TV remote control.   Because, even though she's a delusional, drunken, lazy bitch, this page shows me that even having such a dull life can be livened up by super hereos saving the day with Hostess Fruit Pies.  (And that's better then possums being hit by imaginary Twinkies; take that, you flea-ridden bag!)  And what better way to complete it then with a rousing rendition of shitty Nintendo games?  Although from my own collection, I think Kabuki Fighter would've made a great addition, but that's just me.
               You have to buy it before you can break it, after all.

  • From: dirtyepic
  • Homepage: http://www.warp-net.com
    22-Sep-99 01:59 AM
  • how the fuck do you get yer hair like that? christ. If you're expecting an answer other than "I dyed it," you're a fucking idiot.

  • From: Neo Cracker
  • Age: 16
  • Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/timessquare/lair/8811/index.html
    21-Oct-99 03:39 PM
  • Dude, your webpage r0olz. It kix so much ass. Where are the guys from Mega Man 5 and 6??? And on a side note, the KKK sux. You r0ol 4ever, man. I'm sure the KKK is disappointed they don't have your ass kixing support. And your question about where the guys from Mega Man 5 and 6 are is a very good one. At least as good a question as "What about the one robot that looks like an ostrich", "Where is the article about banana slugs?" or "Yeah, you covered her breasts, but what about Pamela Anderson's vagina?"

    From: doctor gray
    Age: 33
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's:
    Comments: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck the fucking fuck fuck fuck. I fucked the fucking fuck fuck fuck. fuck you, you fucking fuckly fuck fuck. I suggest that your message my carry more weight by eliminating such language.
    "When I need my message to carry weight, I'll keep all of this in mind. But I guess even if I do decide to send a message to the people of the world, I probably won't take the advice of some dipshit I don't know who signed my guestbook with nonsense."

    From: SEGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Homepage: SEGA!
    Age: SEGA!
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: BES! NO WAIT, NES! SOON TO BE SEGA!!!!
    Comments: GET THAT SEGA OR SNES PAGE UP MAN!!!!!!!!!!


    get it get it get it get it!!!!!
    "CNN online reports: The retards have made their demands. Now the world waits for Seanbaby to officially say 'fuck off' in his next press release."

  • From: SykotiK
  • Age: 19.721
  • Homepage: http://www.tfcnews.com/editorials/superbeast.html
    14-Oct-99 09:05 PM
  • Hilarious site, but for the love of G...err, please update more. I linked you in one of my back columns but since no one but my immediate family reads my work, I don't think I got you any more hits. Still, keep up the good work. I update as often as I can, and don't feel like I owe people I don't know the special treatment to put down the keg tap and type something for them. So unless the paternity test comes back saying you're my father, don't make demands or lay guilt trips on me.

    From: Kora the Lesbian Sex God Of Little Children
    Homepage: Yahoo!
    Age: 6
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: Seanbaby and Me staring in the Brazilian Porno Film "3 Men and A Bowl Of Gravy"
    Comments: Hello my homosexual sex toy Seanbaby. I miss your constant ass fuckings. But soon me and you will get back together and double penetrate Joyce like old times! I can't wait. By the way, I saw your recent porn work in the Brazilian film "7 Cocks and Two Cumming Grandpa's" and "Three Blowjobs and A Mongoose." But I saw you forgot to dye your pubic hair red again, silly Seanbaby. I'll be jerking off to your Flash Gordon pictures for a while. See ya sex machine.
    "Please, if you're going to ramble mindlessly about hardcore pornography, leave my girlfriend out of it. Also remember, there's no rules against comedy. Feel free to say something or anything funny."

  • From: Alexander R. Plaigue
  • Age: 31
    13-Oct-99 01:03 AM
  • Congraturations Sean Baby! You have just won the ColecoTech Award for creating one of the most innovative and amusing websites on the world wide web! We only give out awards once a year,so you must realize how great an honor this is! Our last award was given out to www.ass.com for their innovative "link and nonstop popup" menu format. You are joining champions Mr. Reilly! Pick up your award at your local McDonalds in the mens restroom,and be sure to wear those fetching leather pants. Mmmmrrrrowwllll! See you there,and once again,congraturations!!
    Your Friend And Mentor,
    Alexander Roberts Plaigue
    Thank you, best pal and valued mentor, for making this innovative and amusing website just a little bit less so with your note.

    ... Sorry, I'm just insulted you thought I would fall for that "wear something sexy and meet me in the men's room" trick again.

  • From: Alexander R. Plaigue
  • Age: 31
    21-Oct-99 11:44 PM
  • Geez,this past week has been hectic for me! I went to your hometown McDonalds franchise and,alas, i didn't find you in the bathroom where i could present you with your award and your commemorative check. Luckily the guy who runs www.retrogames.com was in the stall next to mine,so i just gave him the check. When i got back to ColecoTech HQ,my boss was pretty angry at me and he fired me! I should not have done what i did but it was only my first offense! What a cutthroat savage! To make a long story short i divorced my wife and moved back in with my parents. I'm also going to start my own Sarah Michelle Gellar fan page soon,i'll post the link here soon for all you hip kids. Hopefully that will take my mind off my past disgraces. The ColecoTech Award really is yours Sean. You can create an image for it and post it on your awards page. May all your dreams come true,and all your wishes become reality. A Final Congraturations, Alexander Roberts Plaigue So I have your permission to make my own award and put it up? Wow! I know what I'll be doing for the next three nights. I'm going to win the most FANTASTIC BEST HOMEPAGE IN THE UNIVERSE AWARD! and... and the the SUPER FABULOUS JOEL'S SALON G-STRING OF APPROVAL!

  • From: Das Wookie
  • Homepage: http://www.yahoo.com
    13-Oct-99 05:24 PM
  • Damn, I was going to do a page about River City Ransom on my homepage, but who could top yours? Anyway, great homepage and all. Just what is James H. Vipond's beef with you? A lot of people ask me why James Vipond hates me. Statistics show this is also the same number of people that buy country albums and little stuffed toys that scream, "Don't Go There!!" when you throw them on the floor.

    What I'm trying to say, is that if you can't figure out why an autistic Christian might think I'm a fuckhead, you're probably as stupid as the game shows Mr. Vipond transcribes, recites, and builds small panoramas about.

  • From: Patricia Lewis
  • Age: 94
  • Homepage: http://home.uchicago.edu/~pslewis/
    14-Oct-99 07:29 PM
  • Your site is worth the effort to scroll horizontally -- that's high praise from me. I don't care -- that's pretty medium level praise from me.

  • From: Some Random Guy
  • Age: Yes, please
  • Homepage: http://www.drpepper.com
    07-Oct-99 04:07 PM
  • There seems to have been a recent influx of guestbook posters who hate Seanbaby. While previously the guestbook only contained conflict between Seanbaby's fans and Seanbaby's other fans who hate the first group of fans and try to impress him by saying how much they suck, now there are actually people who apparently read the page and didn't like it. There are a couple of explainations for the recent influx of Seanbaby-hate. The first is that some site (possibly a christian web site for the three christians who know how to use a computer, or maybe a puppet manufacturer's personal home page, or maybe even some guy who really dislikes cartoons) has linked to Seanbaby.com and blamed it for the rash of mailbox thefts spreading across the country or somesuch. This caused the site's dimwitted patrons to make posts to the guestbook, revealing that some people don't workship Seanbaby and disrupting my carefully constructed fantasy world. The other explaination, of coarse, is that all those posts were done by one guy. Maybe it was a disgruntled James H. Vipond, maybe it was a Hostess exec trying to get this page shut down in an effort to cover up their embarassing "super heroes" ad campaign from the 70's and 80's, maybe it was Seanbaby himself trying to make the page look controvorcial. (aside: Seanbaby is Lis, Miguel, Chet, Erik, Parade Kid, Richard Nixon, everyone on the reader comics page including me, Sailor Moon, and 70% of all the guestbook posters.)

    But I don't have any more time to guess at the identity of Seanbaby-haters anymore. I have to get back to my Seanbaby graphic novel. I'm on page 45.

    Some Random Guy

    It's unfortunate, but I think all the me-haters are actually just one bored kid. I pretend not to pay any attention to people that write in because they're not smart and everything, but secretly I take every comment into account when I write. For example, when someone writes in to say "You suck," I try to stop sucking. And when someone writes in to say, "You're (sometimes 'your') funny," I try to stop that too.

    I admit to loving every piece of fan mail I get, and offer every friendly reader a taste of my ass. Even badly spelled notes like this one from someone who won't tell their name and constantly accuses me of being english-impaired foreigners would be enough for me to place most or all of my ass into their mouth and wait in upwards of 10 to 15 minutes for them to enjoy. And no matter how big a star I become, I'll continue to take the time to do this. It's how I was brought up.

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