• From: bryan
  • Age: 28
    06-Nov-99 12:08 AM
  • this is without a doubt the coolest, most fucked-up, interesting, mind-fucking site i've been to. you are truly an artist who will never be fully appreciated or understood in your own time. with the time and effort it must take to maintain the site, how are you still able to dress like a chick, colourize your hair, and throw one into joyce? anyway, you have my everlasting respect and admiration, and i hope your empire continues to expand around the globe with the swiftness of a plague or ricky martin's unfathamable popularity...or something.

    yours in awe, bryan
    I'm used to being unappreciated and misunderstood - I grew up a puppeteer in a religious town that banned puppets. I knew one day, if I could perform the perfect puppet show... something moving, inspiring. Then they would listen to me. That would clean this town up.

    Years later, my day never came, but I didn't give up. I couldn't - not with this much at stake.

    The townspeople never learned to appreciate my puppets, and they were even stolen, their tiny wooden pieces scattered across the streets. I... I don't remember everything that happened next, but I woke up the next morning to a town full of corpses and suspicious blood all over my puppet-world-opening hands. Was I insane? Could I be? Or was this just a lesson about how wicked man can become without a littler man to control with strings? I don't know, but I can accurately tell you what human brains taste like, and how to make a puppet look like it's trying to take a poo.

  • From: Sven-Dogg
  • Age: 19
  • Homepage:http://www.oblivion.net/
    01-Nov-99 01:04 AM
  • This is some fucked up shit. I was at that latex party in moscow last year, it was a riot! I felt so out of place though, only my coat was latex. I am shamed. A latex coat was a lot better than the assless pants and whips the fat old bastards paraded around the bar in. Seriously, who makes size 28 assless leather pants and thinks, "Yeah. Somebody's going to look hot in THESE." That kind of tragedy can be avoided so early with just a little bit more responsible clothing manufacturing. I think we need to educate sweatshop workers early on with an intense no-giant-ass-pants propaganda movement. Send all questions and donations to Seanbaby.com re: KEEP GIANT ASSES IN PANTS.

  • From: goddessmoira
  • Age: 20
  • Homepage: http://moirazine.tripod.com/
    23-Oct-99 01:09 PM
  • oh wow, your page rocks! I stumbled across your page through a link on some lameass junk email that i get periodically and was pleasantly surprised to find some thing cool as hell. so far i've only read the page about you and I'm checking out joyce's pink page right now. unfortunately i haven't got the time to spend reading your entire page right now (must sleep, must sleep), but rest assured, fair boy with funky hair/attire, that i will return. :)

    I'm sure I have a page somewhere making fun of people that call themselves "goddess" in their email address, so your next note probably won't be as nice.

  • From: Dream girl
  • Age: 17
    15-Aug-99 01:55 PM
  • I had the craziest dream last night. I was in this car with a friend of mine and some fat German guy. We needed money so we decided to shoot first person we saw and take their cash... Seemed like a good plan... Well a car appeared. I said shoot, the fat German guy did, and then we pulled over to see who we just knocked off... I found their I.D. and--It was you. You were barely alive, yet surprisingly very nice about the whole situation. Said you didn't hold it against us. Well... We were all crying, but the doctors (who came out of no where?) said there was nothing we could do. So we promised to make you a tribute webpage... And I think we still took your money.

    Then I woke up and realized it was all a dream. But it made me realize how lucky I am to have you. And no matter how mean your response is, I know it's just tough love.

    From: The Boson
    Homepage: The JewChink Page
    Age: 22
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: NES
    Comments: Wow.... stutter.
    "This will be a great reader testimonial for my new image. My tagline has now been changed from 'Seanbaby's Page Makes my Cock Hard!' to 'Seanbaby's Homepage- makes the Chinese Jewish community stutter.' Please send in your Seanbaby Fan t-shirts and $3.95 for the updated logo.''

  • From: static2000
  • Age: 24
    26-Oct-99 02:13 AM
  • ok man i have been reading you site for too long now not to comment, you are a funny motherfucker even if you do look like a fag, not that that is wrong mind you, it addds to the humor, anyways, you read comics, you are funny, you write. all of this consitered, you should write comics cause they are getting lame lately. i have one in mind that i read religiously. DEADPOOL. chris priest is writing it now. i haven't read the new one yet, but if it is like his Quantum and Woody, it should be good. but you would be perfect to write it. your humor and knowledge of useless pop culture and sarcasm would be perfect comming out of DEADPOOL's mouth while slaughtering a bus full of nuns. so i urge all of your rabid readers and the readers that have had their shots (all 2 of them) t o do like i am. e-mail the living shit out of marvel until they wise up and give you at least a guest shot at writer for DEADPOOL. hell after reading an issue done by you they would make alot of ducets and the comic would never be threatened by cancelation again. they would even be able to pay all of the lawsuits your issues would probably cause. i am out, and sean, try not to cut off your circulation with those shiny leater pants of yours (and send me a pair, 29 34) When I write here, I get to say whatever I want about anything I want. If I was writing Deadpool, they'd tell me to have a close fight between him and Speedball, hand me the comics code rules, tell me to tie it in to this month's X-Men Time Travel Fall of the Mutant Massacre Caper, and tell me to start a believable romance between his oatmeal skinned ass and some beauty queen. Trust me, after all that, I'd suck just as much as whoever's writing him now.

  • From: Jon Rambo
  • Age: 18
    27-Oct-99 04:30 PM
  • Your page kicks some serious ass!
    You have won the coveted "Basket of Meats and Cheeses Award"
    (E-Mail me about your basket of meats and cheeses)
    -|{apt. |{rackpipe
    Dear Mr. Rambo,
    Seanbaby.com thanks you for your recognition. A team from our meat and cheeses staff will get in touch with you soon. Seanbaby will be unable to attend the awards ceremony, but promises to scribble an acceptance speech on a bar coaster.

  • From: Hunter A. Felt
  • Age: 18
    20-Oct-99 10:56 PM
  • Mr. Baby, you are an extraordinary funny individual, and I laughed so hard at the Nintendo awards that Coca-Cola repeatedly came out of nose, and my roommate had to leave the room. My roommate is addicted to Everquest, and I think the game is giving him subconscious messages to kill me in my sleep. But enough about that. I also loved your psychotic readers and their comics, the stupid comic page, and your critique of M.A.D.D. I respect you a lot, and I'm really sorry if EverQuest commands my roommate to kill you. I'll do my best to stop him, if this happens... but only if I can remember to mention the TENDER, FLAKY CRUSTS of Hostess Fruit Pies! Thanks for offering to stop your psycho roommate, but I'd rather no one found out that I had someone's help to fight off the atrophied muscles of an attacking Everquest player.

  • From: tom
  • Age: 25
  • Homepage: http://www.fortunecity.com/littleitaly/bari/151/
    19-Oct-99 10:14 PM
  • Bro, I think I just got dumped. I'm gonna go now, and find a rusty razor blade.
    P.S. sigh.
    Shit. If I'd known people were coming here for life saving therapy, I'd respond faster. I hope you're still alive to hear our world's cheers of love and encouragement. Of course, if you were getting suicidal just over some girl, you'll be a complete mess if something important happens like Felicity going out with Noel instead of Ben. Why am I even responding? You're so fucking dead.

  • From: tito
  • Age: hot
  • Homepage: http://www.fortunecity.com/littleitaly/bari/151/paper.html
    23-Oct-99 02:08 AM
  • Ordinarliy when coming home blitzed I would have picked up the phone and blabbed to some folks, but since I could spell ordinarily I signed in here where I feel safe. You're not fooling me. You spent all night drinking in your dorm room and and losing to yourself in your own spelling bee... hey wait, aren't you that guy that killed himself 5 messages ago?

  • From: Jeb Adams
  • Age: 26
  • Homepage: http://www.enteract.com/~jeb
    22-Oct-99 12:00 PM
  • Great pages, as always Seanbaby. Wading through pr0n and banal ads for Palm gear is made all the easier by your lovely face and hilarious take on all things Hostess.

  • From: Keif B
  • Age: not old enough to be legal, but then again, who cares?
  • Homepage: http://www.main-net.com/~abaker
    22-Oct-99 11:40 AM
  • I *love* the site! So full of stuff that makes me laugh! *YEAH!* Okay, anyways, your site rules, mine sucks. Yours is attractive, mine's ugly, you look better in leather pants than me... wait.. that's not what i wanted to say... YOU RULE! You don't need to say all that. If you take care of all the postive stuff over there, I'll fill this box with the cockhead insult stuff. You didn't leave me anything to do. So here's a series of pictures of our assholes at a picnic:

  • From: bernard
    06-Oct-99 02:31 PM
  • Hey SB,

    Why the sudden about-face with the banner ads? I remember that you wrote in the guest-book that you had plenty of money and you didn't want banner ads. I don't care, I think you should milk it for all you can. I have a feeling that this has something to do with portalofevil.com. Since I mentioned it, what is the relationship between you, OMM and Portal of Evil? I'd love it if the answer was given to me by a topless Wonder Woman. By saying that, I'll probably get a topless fat chick in a party hat.

    Anyway, I come with an offering for your female fans because I know you're taken

    Hurry Girls, he's available!

    Hi there ! Jesus is my 1st love. How bout you? I serve the Lord by Singing, Playing Piano, Witnessing to the unsaved! What do you like to do? I also do impressions

    Pennsylvania Christian Gentlemen Dating ads
    I'm still non-profit; all the money the banners make goes into the page for fantastic prize giveaways. So instead of just reading about tits, you'll actually be able to win a pair, or the opportunity to grab some in fabulous Boca Rotan.
    My relationship with Old Man Murray and Portal of Evil is very complicated, especially after "Port" told me it was my twin brother and the Old Man caught pancreatic cancer from a toilet seat in my uncle's restaurant. Now we search for clues to discover who has kidnapped our wives and retrieve the nuclear disarmament codes from them before it's too late.

  • From: Shiryu
  • Age: 25
  • Homepage: www.shiryu.com
    24-Sep-99 03:13 PM

  • Aha! Funny page! Especially fun fruit pies subject!
    Top-a rope senton bomb!

  • From: Jason
  • Age: 22
    21-Sep-99 07:06 PM
  • Sean didn't mention it (probably because he's shy or humble) so I'll let you folks know. Quit acting up, Sean's a certifiable celebrity now. Check out the links section in the special "subscriber-only" cool stuff insert of EGM October 1999. It's there, #3 on the list. Seanbaby's NES game page. From all of us to you Sean, cheers!

  • From: Alienboy52
  • Age: 15
  • Homepage: http://www.uidaho.edu/list-archives/labman/
    15-Sep-99 03:49 PM
  • Uh, I found this page and it has Seanbaby in it. Yeah and so far the only things that I have seen Seanbaby say on this page have been about Library hours. Most of it is a bunch of people who talk about library hours, and also there is this desk that can type... That's from my old job at the University of Idaho. Which makes your adoration now an official obsession. Congratulations.

  • From: Richard Avery
  • Age: 24
    14-Sep-99 09:58 AM
  • Seanbaby's site rocks. It is the Best use of all the crap that has been stuck in our heads for the last 10 years. The fact that Seanbaby can keep all these things straight in his own head is a true statement to the fact that he is Insane, or a Genius, or Both. A friend of mine sent me the site and i called into work for 2 days straight reading it. And i will never stop. On behalf of the Weird Psychos of Binghamton NY.

    WE Salute you!!.

  • From: Ashley Brooks
  • Age: 15
  • Homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/nc/cupcakegirl/index.html
    05-Sep-99 02:40 PM
  • Hey, i dont know if u remember me or not...but i was at your brother Matt's wedding. Oh well. I really love your page...it is soooo cool. I'll come back later to see whats new. ok see ya! I don't remember four or five days surrounding that wedding. I kind of remember swallowing the ring and giving a speech at the wrong reception dinner. This may sound strange to you now, but next time your parents leave town and forget to lock the liquor cabinet, you'll understand.

  • From: Alienboy 52
  • Age: 15
  • Homepage: http://www.homosexuals.com
    23-Aug-99 10:34 PM
  • Christians suck! Die you pigs! Yayayayayayayayay!!!

    Now for Anti-Christian propoganda

    A study taken by Mr. Douglaus indicates that 100% of Christian children are as smart as a sea tortoise.

    Christians usually try to convert young INNOCENT AND RIGHTOUS children so that they can have more members.

    Christians have caused more wars and deaths of INNOCENT children than any of the other religions combined.

    900% of Christian pigs serveyed think that homosexuals are child-molesters who fist each other up the ass while getting sucked off by a dog and having a hamster shoved up their ass.

    Most Christian men think that heaven is filled with naked submissive women who do everything for them. Most Christian women don't know how to think because they're being submissive and aren't allowed to think.

    100% of rapists have heard something about Christianity, coincidence?

    Christians are pro-life because they know that they can convert the baby and make it a sucidial manical bent on killing off gays and non-whites.

    It is obvious that Christians are really here to take over our lives and make us all submissive.

    Christianity in public is CHILD ABUSE!!!

    All Christians think they are immune to HIV because they aren't gay (except for the ones that are) but they forget that IVs and other methods. Are we to believe that Christian blood is immune to any disease? Or is Christianity a LIE

    Most Christians believe that the universe is only 10 000-6000 years old to fit in with the bible, but if that were so how could we see stars that are 2 MILLION LIGHT YEARS away from Earth?

    Some Christians are hiding the cure for cancer and AIDS from the public because they believe that only true Christians should get cured.

    Are we to believe these Christian lies any longer? Rebel against Christians and kill their pigish offspring, to save the future of the planet.

    Sorry for putting this into your guestbook Seanbaby, but I wanted to really show those Christian pigs who hacked into your guestbook that I could be as annoying as them.

    D I E   C H R I S T I A N   P I G S ! ! !

  • From: Alienboy 52
  • Age: 15
  • Homepage: http://www.plasticman.org
    11-Aug-99 08:47 PM
  • Yayayayayayayayayayay! I have finally finished uploading all of my ancient Seanbaby comics. To celebrate I have made a red wine from the blood of a Christian pig. I'll be sure to send the bottle to you soon Seanbaby. Here are the comics,

    Le Passé Composer
    How to Kill Jehova Witnesses

    They suck, but I'm really happy because I uploaded them all! There were only seven though, not eight...

    I've drawn some strange things in the back of class, Alien Boy, but even my one panel third grade masterpiece "Monster vs. President on Lifeboat" made more sense than these psychoanalysis-begging things you scribbled. Some day you're going to kill a lot of people, and that's just one of the reasons you're my favorite Canadian.

  • From: Jason
  • Age: 22
    10-Aug-99 05:45 AM
  • Great website. I giggled like a schoolgirl. Very out of character for me.

  • From: john lewis
  • Age: 20
    12-Jul-99 01:51 PM
  • You have got some pretty funny stuff on your page. You hit home with your mega man comments and nude pictures of good looking girls... I must say your pages are all winners...
    Most of all I have to give you credit for being creative and over all DAMN funny. I have been thumbing through your site for the useless vacant hours I spend at work I would much rather be sitting home and sleeping. Thanks for keeping me laughing.
    It started out pretty nice with baseball cliches about how funny my stuff was, but when I found out this rating was lower than "sitting home and sleeping," my pat on the back turned into a ritual burning of my portrait.

  • From: Lando
  • Age: 24
  • Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/RicoNLando/index.html
    12-Jul-99 10:09 AM
  • your page is too cool for school. i like it alot. keep up the good work.

  • From: Andy hunt
  • Age: 14
    11-Jul-99 09:29 PM
  • you should do this for a living or something if u aren't already you funny as hell in some of these man I was about to make fun of you for how bad an idea this was before I found this in the paper:
    Webdesigner to make a homepage that makes fun of cartoons. 50K/year, 401K, stock options, dental; art degree required.

    From: Reverend Sundown
    Homepage: William Sanders - Author, Artist, Lingerie Critic
    Age: 56 (I shit you not, kid)
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: stupid page
    Comments: You are one weird lad, lad. You are so twisted I think you could eat nails and shit corkscrews . . . and I say this with sincere admiration.
    I do not know anything about superheros or nintendo games but the part about stupid people is absolutely dead on. Reminds me of George Carlin's terrifying observation: "Just think how stupid the average person is, and then consider that statistically, half the population is even dumber than that."
    Of course you are full of shit as a Christmas turkey on some points (I'M over 30, by quite a bit, and I don't have any trouble functioning on the Net; go look at my site, which I built myself, if you don't believe me) but then it's easy to see that being full of shit is an important part of the Seanbaby Dynamic. What matters is to be INTERESTINGLY full of shit, and you do that very well.
    Rant on, son, and watch out for villagers carrying torches and sharpened stakes . . . .
    "Some similes make me squirm, but the christmas turkey thing got me. When stuffing a turkey already involves somebody's mom jamming bread up a dead bird's ass, the last thing I need is to picture that bread as small piles of shit. Gross. But the rest of the note was nice. Thanks."

  • From: Dan McFall
  • Age: 21
  • Homepage: don't worry about it, it sucks
    06-Jul-99 12:54 PM
  • Just had to say that this is one of the funniest damn sites that I have ever read. I think I would have probably hung myself at work if not for this page. Keep up the good work and keep laying on the sarcasm. It's highly appreciated. As of July 20th, Seanbaby.com has 17 confirmed preventions of work-related suicide. Combining this incredible statistic with the pictures of tits make this the most helpful site on the entire web. Thank you for all the tit lovers who did not die for making us number one!

  • From: K. Thor Jensen
  • Age: 22
  • Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/~kthor
    06-Jul-99 10:10 AM
  • You are the only other man I have met who truly appreciates the sly genius of James H. Vipond.

    Please continue the free-world rocking as only you can.
    James Vipond is an enigma rocking back and forth watching game shows with a mystery wrapped in a christian superhero puzzle. Even with how much he hates me personally, I'll never stop loving him.

  • From: drew
  • Age: 22
  • Homepage: don't have one yet
    01-Jul-99 03:03 PM
  • i want to bear your children. I feel like I should be making fun of you, but you didn't give me a lot to work with. So forgive me if the following response is not my best work:
    Okay. I'll send some sperm in the mail this week. I hope the gene that prevents sentence punctuation is recessive, because I'd hate for our kids to turn out all dumb like you.
    If you want an actual good response, write more than one sentence, you lazy bastards. And always include pictures with propositions of sex and reproduction.

    From: Thomas Wilde
    Homepage: Elsewhere
    Age: 21
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: The Mega Man Characters page. Hee hee. Bubble Lead.
    Comments: Congratulations on the new domain, and, incidentally, on making Kevin Murphy cry like a goddamn woman. Damn fine work, Seanbaby.

    [The following is an attempt to say something funny and memorable without sounding stupid. Let's watch.]

    I am shocked, shocked, that, of all things, you haven't declared yourself Babysean the Powerpuff Girl. If you're the world's prettiest superhero, shouldn't you be a member of the world's prettiest superhero team?

    [Nope. The attempt failed. Oh, well.]

    "Thanks for your comments and congratulations. However, Kora! asked me to tell you that just because you know you said somthing you said is stupid does not make it not stupid. He's a carbonated asshole, though. I'd never give such condescending advice."

    From: Mark Boothby
    Age: 22
    Comments: Last night was a blast Sean, even though you had to come back to this governmentally funded psych experiment to see us.(And NO, I don't add to the sheep statistic) I just got up this morning and thought I'd check out your site. I got many, many , many good laughs. You have to be one of the most unique and intriguing people I've ever known. That is what makes you so fun! Keep it up man! I'll check on you soon.
    "Two high school pals writing in the same week is too much nostalgia. I spent the entire night going through yearbooks and circling all the people that are now married and have kids. And since I already spent last week circling the people I had sex with, and the week before that circling the faculty I had sex with, almost every smiling head is surrounded by green color crayon. Your head has an arrow through it and you're screaming, 'Damn indians!!!' I thought it was funny 5 years ago."

    From: Jennifer, aka MEGALOBRIAGO
    Homepage: TART
    Age: 25
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: christianity-bashing ones... oh wait, that's all of them.
    Comments: it's not easy being a superhero. actually the hard part is being the mild-mannered, office-type right handed, bitter, midget editor during the day... just waiting for sundown to become the beaujelais-swilling sinistral giant, megalobriago. did i mention i can fly? just hazarding a guess, but you must be a lefty. you write some fucking hilarious stuff. (the *fucking* is important here) i've bookmarked your page and lo! i'll be back.
    "I'm not even close to left handed. Clever defenders guard me four feet to the right in basketball. I'm so right handed, when I masturbate with my left hand, it feels like a blind girl struggling with her first penis. And I think we all know what that feels like."

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