• From: Mario X. Perez
  • Age: 24
    12-Nov-99 11:50 PM
  • Please go to Hollywood forthwith and demand a job writing screenplays, etc. Sheesh, we need some fresh perspectives on the whole humor thing... Most of those guys (comedy writers)should be rudely dragged out of their offices and summarily shot by roving gangs of kalishnakov-wielding prepubescent red army militia.

    If anyone thinks this is harsh, please tune in to Ally McBolemic or sit through the latest excruciating episode of King of Queens... Yeah, that will harden your hearts faster than a fistful of Crisco,

    Just my sentiments,
    Mario
    MXPtexdem1@aol.com
    The first time I watched Ally McBeal, she fucked the guy from Iron Eagle in a car wash. The next time I watched it she made out with the mean asian chick. So I have absolutely no problem with that show. I even think Ally is kind of cute.

    One of my main hobbies is having sex with girls or fantasizing about having sex with girls. But whenever I try to with Ally, I can't get the image out of my head of her malnutritioned body falling apart while we're going at it. So I guess I do have at least one problem with the show, but it's mostly my fault and not their's.



  • From: Shannon
  • Age: 20
  • Homepage: http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/ws888/index.html
    09-Nov-99 08:45 PM
  • Hey Sean, I'm finally posting in your guestbook of destiny. Woo! I adore your News Probe, it has become my only source of outside news, aside from Portal of Evil; now I always know what severed heads not to buy, and where to find ass hair in a bag. But seriously, the Probe and the NES pages are the best.

    I contemplated entering an entry like most of your devoted fans ... I figured it would go something like this:

    hi seanbabyy!!!!!!!

    i liek ur page verry much, it does not blow like mine cuz min e is very much sucks!!!!!!1

    hereis a pic of me:

    I would go on to write obscure comics and stories about how I'd begin a chain of Seanbaby retail stores that sold faux-autographed pictures of your ass taped to Power Rangers dolls, and in the end you'd save the day with your "mega-danece powers."

    However, I'm not one the general crack-addict fans who thinks they can be your best friend in the universe by pretending to be as cool as you. In short, there can be only ONE ... Seanbaby.


    (PS ~~ I need more nekkid pictures of Lynda Carter!)

    This is the kind of note I print out and tape to the stairmaster console. Then I set the level to maximum - SPRINT UP MAYAN TEMPLE TO AVOID DEATH BY SACRIFICE (I labeled it myself. I think it used to say something like '10'). Yesterday, at the same level, I had what pussies might call "a heart attack." But with your support and love in front of me, it was hours before I even realized both my feet were bleeding and my knees had fallen off. The thing beeped out a message about how many miles of stairs I'd run, some thing about watts that I don't know how to apply to my health care, and how many calories I'd burned - 250.

    250 calories? That's like a coke and two pigs feet. Great, that burned off my breakfast, you fucking stairmaster. Plus, I dripped so much sweat on your note that now it says "Hey Sean I'm glarbo blaaarg lbip ohhnnnas [illegible] flbbahhhh." From now on, I'm just going to call you over to have sex when I want to work out. Could you include your phone number with your next message?



  • From: Zach
  • Age: 18
  • Homepage: http://lavender.fortunecity.com/mockingbird/267
    10-Nov-99 05:37 PM
  • What's your favorite David Bowie album? Or do you not actually like him, and only use him for easy gay jokes? The Labyrinth stuff is probably my favorite, but I like all his music as long as I don't have to look at him during that Ziggy era with no eyebrows. And who's making gay jokes? I just want to fuck the guy - that's not very funny.



  • From: Witch Hazel
  • Age: 21 (Ripe!)
  • Homepage: Http://personal.nbnet.nb.ca/hatch/
    31-Jul-99 09:13 AM
  • My dearest Seanbaby:

    I thought I should sign your muff-alicious guestbook, simply because I haven't yet, and I also because thought I should post a declaration of my warm, squishy affection where everyone could see it. By the way, monkeys don't belong on your shoulder. They belong in your pants.

    All my love,

    Witch Hazel.

    If my girlfriend wasn't in the room watching Ally McBeal, baking cookies, dressing Barbie, and talking about how I'm always typing at "internet whores," I would write you the steamiest sex letter you've ever read. But since she is doing all of those things, I'm going to make a short list of cute things to hug:
    Care Bears
    Kittens
    Grandma
    Midget



  • From: Marc
  • Age: 25
    05-Aug-99 02:05 PM
  • since you have a web page for desperado, maybe you can help me...what is the make of the handguns Banderas carries? i believe they're .45 rugers, but i'm not sure...maybe somebody you know has the answer...thanks



  • From: Aaron
  • Age: 25
    23-Jul-99 10:24 AM
  • Seanbaby, Your website has provided me with hours of remembrance of my childhood days past...all at the expense of my employer. Bravo! I'm glad I have a small part in the decline of work ethics in America. I'm more proud of the part I had in the rise in 1980's teen pregnancy, though.



  • From: Jenny
  • Age: 17
    05-Aug-99 02:31 AM
  • Ooohh Seanbaby, baby. I get to look at your face while signing this.. Am I supposed to be able to concentrate?

    And... What the guy below me said, I ditto. Yep. All of it. Was going to say it myself, then I saw he already had. Sooo, guess that means I'll be getting that best of the year award to eh? No? Well then SURELY I'll get a reader babe spot of my own. I mean... come on, I'm sexy! [Struts around for Seanbaby] Eh eh?

    Maybe you should have read their letter again and done some editing of your own note. If you want to be a Reader Babe, send evidence of your sexiness; all I know about you right now is that I don't ever want to see another of your messages.



  • From: zala
    09-Aug-99 09:03 PM
  • Hm.. what was the show.. "Kids In The Hall?".. I don't remember exactly; anyways, there was a running gag/sketch which featured a character who would emerge onto the scene of a party with two pingpong balls and people would offer him various things (ie: chips, salad, soup, glasses, etc.) and he'd say, "I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!" only with an odd drawl, so it came out as, "AYE WANNA DIP MY BAWWWWLS IN IT!" My point here is, Seanbaby, you're not the party, you're not the guy, and hell, you're not even the balls. You're the wide variety of chips, toilets, magnets, urinals, buckets and male asses that I want to dip my balls into.



  • From: Silent Jord
  • Age: 16
    17-Aug-99 08:48 PM
  • Ok, Seanbaby, I'm pretty pissed, you're stealing all the cool chicks. Here's an example.
    "Boy Jord, you sure are a cutie."
    "Thanks"
    "Hey, whats your favourite site"
    (with enthusiasm) "SEANBABY's!"
    we go there.
    "Oh jesus!"
    "What, can't handle the offensive language." (laugh smugly to myself)
    "no... he's the hottest man alive. Print his picture out for me?"
    "NOOOOO!!!!!!! SEANBABY! A WINNER IS YOU!"
    you live SO far away, yet you've sucessfully gotten to three chicks... damn you seanbaby, you and your devilsih good looks. Oh yes... I think maybe you should put the Joyce page in huge letters along with the words "OBVIOUS SEANBABY COMMITMENT" beside it in huge red flashing letters. Than, all of the leigons of people that I've sent to your site based on the sole factor that you're a rave frequenter will know. They lose, Seanbaby's taken.
    it's so obvious that your skill is superhuman... I've been reading since it was just the desperado page and some comics pages...
    Senbaby rules.
    Bitch
    -Jord
    Joyce hardly ever looks at the page. Tell your friends to send me pictures of them having a pillow fight in their underwear. I'll also need a short bio and an embarrassing dating story. Then everyone will vote on which one I should have sex with. Tell them not to worry, though - the losers get to make out on the bed while it happens.



  • From: AJ
    30-Aug-99 04:19 PM
  • Really though, don't ALL messages to Seanbaby have the subtext "I want to pork you"? Well, I guess the hate mail is more along the lines of "I'm lashing out as a way of dealing with my repressed homsexual love for you." I haven't met any of them yet, but I think there are people out there that won't sleep with me. I thought I had found one for sure once, but it was an icy day. We both slipped at the same time and I landed in a position that made took the decision out of their hands and into their crotch.



  • From: oddish
  • Age: 15
    29-Aug-99 08:33 PM
  • guess what? my boyfriend is a gay gay basher basher. he was at a manson concert and went up to the christians protesting outside against gays and made out with this other guy in front of them. they got on camera and are on the next manson tape to be released. isnt that nice? oh yeah, i have blue hair too, i want a lollypop. i love your page. hope you like my run-on sentances. byeee That's nothing. I fucked a Backstreet Boy in one of their videos. It was the one with the hat.



  • From: Sammi
  • Age: 17.75... 18 soon, very soon...
  • Homepage: http://welcome.to/sammiland
    03-Sep-99 11:51 PM
  • Well, here's hopin' I don't get deleted or made fun of (well, actually, i expect to get made fun of, just hopefully not too badly. Say what you will about me, but leave my puppies alone.) Anyway, I'd like to be original in signing this, but every1 has apparently stolen all the funny porn jokes or teenybopper euphemisms I could use before I could get here. So, I'll just say, I too would be willing to bear your love child ;o); your girlfriend seems just as adorable as you describe her; you look great in vinyl pants (if you just added some black eyeliner and a flavorsaver under your lower lip, I'd be stalking you probably); and you need a fat chick in Reader Babes. (Hint: this is a shameless plug to go steal a picture of me off my web site and make me the official fat reader babe heh heh j/k... kind of.)

    I managed to waste quite a lot of time here, and I was endlessly amused. You're very witty... which I'm sure you've been told a million times. But why you haven't notified the FBI of the psycho that is Alienboy52 will be the mystery about you that forever alludes me.

    Anyway, I will stop boring the masses now. Have a nice day!!!

    Sammi




  • From: Curiosity
  • Age: 19
  • Homepage: http://break.at/curiosity
    10-Sep-99 07:38 PM
  • Seanbaby, you da coolest! I would gladly put up with all your Demon shit if I could have a few days alone with you. And if you're wondering if I'm a hot chick, well, I guess you can judge for yourself. Check out my mp3 page and listen to some music that'll rock your world (or something). Someday perhaps I'll take after the divine musical stylings of whoever wrote the Kurtis Blow-esque Seanbaby theme song and record something similar. I'll send it right along if I ever do it. Because me and my homegirl FairyFaith MC have been handpicked to represent and rock the LBC. Love and peace out. Curi. I'm in. I'll make up some excuse for me to be out of town and we'll meet at the Canadian border to redefine the words hot and "JESUS!" See you tomorrow night.




  • From: sshack
  • Age: 19
  • Homepage: http://www.esthers-swing-shack.com
    05-Oct-99 11:23 PM
  • I love this site so much I would harvest body parts for it. I know that I am not reader babe material, but could I be one for a day? (p.s. I am willing to sell my soul on e-bay for this)



    From: ROGER WILLIAMS
    Age: 85
    Favorite Page of Seanbaby's: VIDEO GAMES
    Comments: I REMEMBER WHEN THOSE SEX GAMES FIRST CAME OUT. EVERY PERVERT IN TOWN INCLUDING MYSELF BOUGHT ONE. I HAVE NEVER HAD A FULL STIFFY SINCE PLAYING THAT GAME. NOT EVEN VIAGRA WORKED. I TRIED TO SUE THE COMPANY BUT THE JUDGE LAUGHED AND PUT ME IN A CORRECTIONAL FAUCILITY. EVERY NIGHT FOR A WEEK I HAD TO PUT OUT FOR THE BIGGEST NEGRO I HAD EVER SEEN. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT ATTARI COST ME MY SEX.
    "Atari cost a lot of people their sex drive. You can only stay in a basement playing Combat and Pong for so long before your penis forgets how to work. I however, have done what I can to help your erection return by including a sexy picture of me licking my own lips in a doorway. So start your prostate engine, and relive your pre-Atari-porn sexual days with some help from my alluring pose."



  • From: Black Cupid
  • Age: 20
    07-Oct-99 09:00 PM
  • Whenever I need to reaffirm my bisexuality, I just look at your page. One sight of you in all your blue eyed glory, and I'm happy all day. Holy Christ, did you know there's a woman dry-humping an alien in your banner ad? Shit. Please add more reader babes. And please abuse me. I deserve it. Whenever I need to reaffirm my sexuality, I start naming off all the A-Team members I want to sleep with.

    "Nope. No. No. Maybe."
    "Okay, I guess I'm still probably not gay!"



  • From: Weedhopper
  • Age: 17
    01-Nov-99 03:59 PM
  • Dr. Frank N furter is the only man I'd rather sleep with than you. I wish you hadn't mentioned that. Now I won't be able to fill the awkward answer box with my fallback question, "Where am I on the list of men you want to fuck?"



  • From: Erica
  • Age: 18
  • Homepage: http://www.tx3.com/~ericamd
    02-Nov-99 05:28 AM
  • A Seanbaby Haiku.


    You are fucking cool!


    One, two, three, four, five, six, sev-..


    One, two, three, four, five.

    Eh. Forget it. Your site rocks. And you can wear women's vinyl pants anyday.
    I'm pretty sure I made a list of poetry guidelines somewhere on this site that said, "All poems about me are to be written in lipstick on your body. No line should exceed 10 syllables for reasons of width, as no photos will be displayed of naked bodies that are more than 10 syllables wide. The title of the poem should be placed on or near the breasts and be a slight variation on a previous work's titles to incorporate their placement. Example: A Tale of Two Titties, The Wild Wild Breast."

    Please follow these guidelines when resubmitting.



  • From: Natty
  • Age: she done fart!
  • Homepage: http://media.cosym.net
    02-Nov-99 12:18 PM
  • WTF happened to FagWatch? That was like the best source of uncensored free gay porn on the internet, next to kthor's posts to OMM. Did your mighty assault topple them? Was the fact that even straight guys wear shiny pants too much for them. Oh yeah, and you're like, hot. Thanks, you're hot too. I don't know what's happened to fagwatch. They never answered my mail even after I made a chart for them. It was one of the things listed that they wanted (along with gay porn, child porn, dog porn, and donkey porn). I thought it was a very convincing and useful visual aid.




  • From: deliriumfish
  • Age: 22...but i look thirteen
  • Homepage: http://deliriumfish.cavelier.net
    29-Oct-99 01:18 PM
  • I'm in it for the comics.....*munches on Scobby Snacks* I'm in it for the nude girls. I'll trade you my Captain America Annual #8 for a lapdance.



  • From: Deathwish
  • Age: 19
  • Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/yourtimeishere
    23-Oct-99 03:50 AM
  • After looking at Tammy Sara's picture in your reader babe's section, I couldn't stop playing with myself for the next half an hour. If you kept at it for 8 more hours, you'd not only make yourself a better person, but have a really good idea of how I spend the day at work.



    From: Lisa
    Age: 20
    Comments: Sean Baby I would love to suck your dick
    "Thank you. However, in the future, all offers for oral sex are to be delivered directly to my front door. All reasonable offers will be considered. Se habla espanol."



  • From: Levelord
  • Age: Post-Industrial
  • Homepage: http://www.levelord.com
    29-Oct-99 12:17 PM
  • I've signed your Guestbook before, but like potato chips, ...or a good lay, ...or even better, ...a good Lay's potato chip, ...I can't stop at just one. Way cool web page that I frequent more than I do the screen at the bottom of my bowl, ...you've got the moves and you've got the grooves Seanbaby! Levelord, I'm going to soak your face in your bong water and make out with you until your giant moustache gets me high. Then we're going to have a frosting eating contest and laugh and play until the sun comes up. You and me, Levelbaby.



  • From: mimi
  • Age: 24
    15-Oct-99 10:02 AM
  • i usually don't bother to sign guestbooks but all your pictures of yourself in rubber and your naughty boy humor has hypnotized me into doing it. mmm, i like the joyce page because we like all the same things.



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