Back to Dear Nintendo... No doctor would ever admit to a gaming system curing a child's blindness. Their job is to solve problems using rational facts and expensive drugs; they don't explain away problems with magic Nintendos. You might have seen a movie where a morgue-full of corpses walk upstairs to the hospital cafeteria, eat the brains of the entire staff, and the doctor still will not admit there are zombies running around. It will go on all movie no matter how many zombies he sees or how many teenage zombie experts show him the space meteor that transformed everyone into zombies, or if he gets introduced to the police-alien from the Zombie/Homicide Division of the Galaxor 12 Precinct. Even when any explanation other than "they're zombies, you god damn idiot" would be insane, he'll keep theorizing that they're just some kind of prank or group hysteria. Up until the point where one of the zombies spits a flying leech out of its ear to eat his stupid doctor face.

I don't want to be one of those doctors. Besides that, I'm lazy enough to never exclaim, "There's got to be a better explanation!" If you give me an explanation and it's pretty reasonable, mystery solved. Scooby Doo might want to stick around to find the bag of flour reflecting off the lava lamp that created the illusion of the Phantom Train Robbers, but I'm willing to accept that train robbers rose from the grave and want me off their haunted property. It sounds a lot less ridiculous than someone creating an elaborate system of pulleys to trick high school kids and a fucking dog into believing in ghosts.

You can get to the bottom of this fan letter's spooky mystery if you want to, detectives. For me, the bottom I need to get to is that Nintendo cured this kids blindness, which don't get me wrong, amazes and astonishes me. Milk can't even cure blindness in a commercial about milk. So don't think I'm talking it down when I say that it would have been more impressive if the miracle was him staying blind but still beating Super Mario Brothers.

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