I don't understand how lonely you have to be to tell a video game magazine about your personal life. I'm not saying people shouldn't like video game magazines. They tell you about video games and those are great. But they're not your best friend. Look at it like this: Imagine being chained to a wall in a Vietnamese rice patty for 5 years. Now while you're rotting there, bite open your finger and use your blood to make a list of who you want to contact as soon as Rambo saws you loose with Charlie's face. Mom, dad, friends... would a Nintendo magazine even get on there before you passed out? No, you'd probably tell the guy at the mall photo booth about your trip to hell before you decided to transcribe it for the letter opener in Nintendo Power's mail room.

And that's an exciting war story you desperately need to tell. A story about how you had to eat your dead friends to survive and hide makeshift weapons deep enough in your ass no yellow bastard could find them; this fuckhead is only telling stories about how he plays Double Dragon. That's not worth a damn stamp.

Imagine the letters this guy must have written before it was Nintendo Power's turn to get one...
"Dear Mr. Butler,
Hi Mr. Butler! I found your name in the phone book when I was reading it. This morning my pet bird and I slipped game tips under people's windshield wipers. My bird and I always struggle to teach each other about life. I tell him to never take drugs and dress him in a little vest. His name is Birdy which also starts with B like your name!

I can beat 4 Nintendo games that start with B. Bible Adventures, Bad Dudes (I'm bad!), Back to the Future, and even Burger Time! Well i have to go plumb because I'm a plumber. When you're playing Bible Adventures, always try your best. Oops, I think I just shit my pants. Ha ha."

Mark Discordia,
East Lyme, CT
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