The first nominee for this award is Old Man from The Legend of Zelda. He was always in a cave ready to give out advice to any fat little elves that stopped by. Even though it usually sounded like someone was reading a fortune cookie backwards, sometimes one could gain some valuable wisdom about Digdogger's taste in music or Dodongo's disliking of smoke. And other times you would lose your patience and hit his nonsensical old man head with your sword until his campfires started shooting at you.

Some speculate that Old Man spoke funny because he always translated his proverbs into Moblin, then into Like Like, and then back to English. Others say his lack of verbal skills is because Japanese game programmers didn't learn English until about 1991.

The second nominee for the Congratulation! Award is the duck shopkeeper in Milon's Secret Castle. Unlike most ducks, he had a bunch of secret shops hidden around the secret castle, and a love for loud hawaiin shirts. Business was never great for him since finding his shop usually required irrationally pushing on unmarked blocks for a minute or two. However, when terminally bored children happened upon them, they were treated to one of the duck's dispensible hints like "FIND A SAW" or "THERE IS ONLY ONE MAHARITO."

The tips are barely understandable and are rarely more than 3 words, but this may be because of the shopkeeper's years away from any type of social interaction. Or it could be the fact that ducks can't talk. Either way, he has a cute stick, and he really helped me out once. I found a crystal, and said, "Pssh-- this probably has no mysterious power." But before I could throw it away, the shopkeeper corrected me. Man, was that was a close call!

The third nominees are the Twelve Sages from Final Fantasy. They were a group of bearded wise men in red robes that gave advice to anyone who was bored enough to talk to them. Sometimes instead of hints, they would describe their fantastic origin of being guided to the forest "through stars and prophecy." But most of the time they would just panic and scream out warnings about how the Fire FIEND is fiery! You know, helpful things.

And if you talk to all of them, one gives a tempting offer to keep returning to get the valuable information about how tasty the Meat FIEND is, or descriptions of their hilarious sage antics. Like the time Sage 7 traded places with Sage 3 and they didn't tell Sage 9! You should have seen his fat little head spin! Oh, Sages, I wish I knew the stars and prophecy that brought you here, so I could thank them myself!

Although it was a close contest, a winner is Old Man. In the end, the judges realized that most of the crap the duck told us didn't even resemble anything that was helpful, and the Twelve Sages were better at interpretive dance than they were at giving advice. Of course, most of the judges work as Wal-Mart greeters, and have so many handicaps, they're no longer considered human. It's quite possible they told me the duck won. I can't understand them anyway. I guess this isn't the most scientifically analyzed awards presentation. But Congratulation! to Old Man for his amazing award. Here is the excited video game superstar now with his acceptance speech.

Thankyou to you of award. Believve in secret and folllow. Secret is in tip of you wherre fairies live. May to be dangerous to go alonne, elf fat, but master sword and you can have. Thankyou to Seanbaby boat. Thannkyou to Tektike, laddder, and Red Candle. Hop! If you go in the dirrection of arrow... To the thank.