I know what you're thinking-- these letters are too fantastically subnormal to be real. I thought the same thing. The Mark Discordia behind the letters was clearly a dumbass, but was it the same dumbass that airbrushed a picture of a plumber holding a vegetable onto his shirt? I sent another note asking him for some photographic proof that he was really Mark "I Like Mario and Chicks Want to Fuck Me" Discordia. He sent this nonsense:

From Mark Discordia:
why I look just as good as I use to, I have bulk up a little bit ,and I also added 3 more inches to my cock , now its 10 1/2 inches long ,with all those chicks pulling on it ,figthing over it ,even you could do that if you didn't waste all your time on your web site. good luck

Mark's second letter was only one sentence that got right to the point: women fight over his penis. Not just any women, though. Some kind of medical miracle women that make cocks permanently grow in size with their very touch. Incredible! Is Mark stupider for telling this story, or stupider for thinking that anyone would believe it? Science may never have the answer to that question, but trust me, as an owner and operator of a penis... tugging it doesn't make it any bigger. If it did, ages 12 through 15 would have left me with a cross between a fire hose and a huge oversized novelty fire hose.

Towards the end of the note, I almost took Mark's advice to lay myself off of Seanbaby.com and work full time on entering my genitals into underground penis-tugs-of-war. But I've been burned before by the advice of the retarded. So I was skeptical.

While I was considering the contrasting view points of Common Sense vs. The Suggestions of an Insane Dipshit, Mark sent in a picture of himself. If he somehow became a naked gay man in his mid-twenties on a sailboat with a four foot penis. WARNING: I put a censored box over the pubic part, but it's still going to hurt if you look directly near it. It's also going to hurt reading MORE about his imaginary love life.

From Mark Discordia:
Jenny took this about 5 years ago on her fathers boat , no her father wasn't with us at the time , anyway you can put this on your web site but you have to let the people know that Jenny ,Sue , and Nancy are the ones that sucked it

So people, Mark wants you to know that Jenny, Sue, and Nancy are the people who put his penis in their mouths. Or depending on how you look at it, Jenny, Sue, and Nancy are three female names that he's heard before who may or may not have given a blowjob to a photoshopped picture he found of someone else. For my response to that letter, I told Mark I wanted a real picture of him, and that I definitely definitely didn't want to hear anything more about his penis. It still stands as the most honest statement of my life. He must not have been listening, because he sent this:

From Mark Discordia:
I am not ashamed of my dick , are you of yours? I had alot of good times doing all kinds of stuff ,comeon Sean there are people out there having fun , I would like to fuck one of those fat fucks that email you , I bet that would be fun , how about me and you gang bang that real big one . I can't even think how anybody could let themselves get to be like that WOW. anyway comeon Sean lighten up put that on your web site and give me credit , its all fun man all fun, you wouldn't last a day on the job site , don't tell me your one of those guys , you can dish it out but you can't take it , make sure to let me know where on your web site it will be, thanks man you made my day , I guess I can go back to jerking off now , ya thats a big job

By now the letters had become my own personal view of the descent into a man's madness. Thanks to Batman hiding the Bat Computer in a cave far away from me, I had no way of ever figuring out what he was talking about. The only thing that was clear was that Mark's fucked up enough to where it it gets politically incorrect to make fun of his subnormal ass. There's no way I'd believe that a person with no mental handicaps would make up so many stories about their dick to a stranger.

But guess what? This wasn't the Special Olympics. That meant I didn't have to pretend to be nice to this fuckhead. I told him I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about and that he didn't seem to either. Then I accused him of my original theory: he's a ten year old autistic boy masterminding an elaborate prank to convince me that a moron from Nintendo Power's fan mail section is in actuality, a total moron. Who knows why he responded with this?

From Mark Discordia:
your not the only guy that can have fun Sean , I guess you can't take it, anyway keep up the good work, oh ya your the only one that can make fun of people, like I said lighten up man have some fun, you made fun of my stuff that I sent into Nintendo did you see me email you crying like all of those other people. Iam 44 years old and yes I act like I am 10 years old sometimes , I don't want to grow old man I don't want to grow up

I've heard of plumbers. I've even met one when I needed someone to shovel human waste out of my septic tank. Mark just happens to be the millionaire playboy kind of plumber. Since I'm an idiot, I have no trouble believing that. But do you think all his stories of laying hundreds of women are true? Before you answer, let me remind you that this is the man we're talking about:

Now add 12 years, some love handles, and the smell of sewage. Yeah, and while all you women are in the mood... hellllo, ladies.

By now you've noticed that one of the problems with the glamorous life of a video gaming plumber is that it doesn't leave a person much time for learning to read and write. I guess it leaves a lot of time to check your email, though; because it took Mark about seven minutes to respond to my next note:

From Mark Discordia:
what nobody can insult the great Seanbaby, oh my god what did I do , piss you off ? , I know you don't get out much sitting in front of the geek computer all day (editor's note: Mark didn't type this from his own geek computer. He typed it from the tiny keyboard hidden deep inside a stripper's vagina. While, of course, he was on lots of drugs.), what I say is nonsense to you ,other people love it, print my photo go ahead make my day , the photo I sent you is me , you rattle the fat bitches on your web site they are more your speed , I am way to fast for you

When I look back on my time with Mark, I take away two things. The first is that he makes more money as a plumber than I do as a plumber. And I completely admit and accept that depending on the amount of fecal blockage you have in your toilet, that could make him a better person than me. But the second, and more important thing I learned from Mark is this: when I call someone a loser, I'm always right.

Before I go, I'd like to thank Mystery Reader for all his detective work, and Mark Discordia for all his personal problems. Thank you.

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