February 10th, 1999 - Air Force In Search of Couch Potatoes
Long after the surge of membership inspired by Top Gun, the Air Force is now forced to start a TV recruitment advertising campaign. Recruiting officer, Max Dynamo, said in a recent press conference, "Come on. Like anyone wanted to join after Iron Eagle 2. By the time number 7 came out, we couldn't even go out in our uniforms without people laughing."
The advertising campaign will try to recapture the sexy image the Air Force had during the early eighties by featuring Elizabeth Hurley in a stealth bomber shaped pair of panties playing volleyball with a group of construction workers. A similar commercial will be used to recruit females, but instead of volleyball, they will be having a strangely frank discussion about the effects of high velocity manuevers on a woman's freshness. The final decisions were made by former pro wrestler, Sgt. Slaughter, and a group of high school dropouts.
Marketers expect the 54 million dollar campaign to attract the four new pilots necessary to finally take over Canada.

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