When I first read of your "Babycade coloring contest", I knew my calling had come. Disregarding the fact that I can't draw worth shit, I immediately made up grandiose plans to make a vast panorama of artistic brilliance and social indictment, illustrating the savage glory of babycade combined with the frightening Orwellian implications of the German government's plans to make millions of little clone babies and dress them up like cartoon convicts. Then I found out that Acetonic had already stolen my idea, plus he had added a picture of breasts. I knew that if I was going to top this masterpiece, I needed to do some serious research, which meant turning to the internet. However, I'd forgotten that except for seanbaby.com and affiliated pages, the internet is just one vast pile of useless shit. The most helpful information I got on babies from the Internet was this: "We do well to watch babies closely. They are like a mirror we can hold up to discover ourselves as fully sentient, fully conscious beings. Babies can also serve (if we let them) as an "Early Warning System" for humankind. This is hazardous duty for babies, teaching us, warning us of danger. In this respect, they are like the beautiful, singing canaries that coal miners once took into the bowels of the earth to warn them of deadly gasses. Babies have several important things to teach us. " This was intriguiging, but also about as useful to my inquiry as Altavista's friendly suggestion that it could help me answer the question "Where can I find pictures of cool?" So instead of fulfilling my glorious ambitions of depicting the actual Babycade, I just threw together this picture of Babycade the arcade game (I was going to call it Babycade 2000, but I forgot how to spell that). In this game, the steroid-pumping mutated German toddlers fight each other for the possession of seanbaby's bloody severed head, using whatever weapons the crowd of German pornography consumers throw into the ring. The winner is then faced off against a clone of Emmanuel Lewis, star of Webster, who has remained perennially young by drinking the blood of virgin Kraftwerk fans. If the baby manges to best this abomination, he or she is mailed to the states, where he or she is adopted by Mr. T. and Tina, stars of "Mr. T and Tina" (No relation to Mr. T and Tina Turner). And yes, I stole one of the baby-pictures from kthor, of "A Short and Happy Life" fame. Since all seanbaby readers are probably also familiar with this page and will recognize the picture, I look forward to being laughed at for my lack of creativity/raped repeatedly, in the coming weeks. With Love and eternal awe and admiration, Seρor Kirneh
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