Part 2: Do people really copy television?

Johnny Knoxville's Dick vs. Little Girl
According to some, "Yes!" And according to Eric Burns from, "Yes. Also I am a piece of shit." In fact, Eric Burns wrote a damning editorial on the Jackass-related injuries, and proved that the show was responsible for them with paragraphs like this:

"Televised behavior always, always, leads to imitation by viewers. When I was a child watching Captain Video, I sent in for my secret decoder ring. When I watched Zorro, I masked my face and brandished my sword. When I watched American Bandstand, I practiced my moves with a broomstick and then tried them out on young, living females at the Saturday night canteen."

I don't care what sword this queer from Fox News brandished. The only point he made is that he either needs to stop rubbing his balls against broomsticks, or stop telling people about it. People are crazies, non-crazies, stupids, and non-stupids. We're not made up of what we see on TV. If we were I'd be made entirely out of HBO hooker documentary. And you'd probably be a cop playing by your own rules. There's nothing you can put on TV that will change a regular into a flaming subnormal. Go make a show about how sweet it would be if Stephen Hawkings drove his wheelchair off a cliff. See if he does it. Or try the reverse-- make a show about how retarded people should stop being retarded. It won't work, even if you get Bruce Springsteen. Oh oh oh, but if you do get Bruce Springsteen, tell him his rock inspired a generation!

It's pretty common for pussies, dumbasses, and their families to blame their problems on vague influences like the media and society. The truth is, fuck you. It doesn't matter what series of events led you to being a dipshit; that's what you are, it's what we have to deal with now, and no one has a time machine to fix it. For example, if you fall off a swingset, and end up killing a swingset manufacturer, you're the one that did it. We can't put the time you fell off the swingset on trial. You just better hope all your falling experience helps you fall off the electric chair.

The point is, everybody has a childhood and a television. If you light yourself on fire, you're a moron with a childhood and a television. I don't know when we became so fragile. When I was a kid, Evil Kneivel was on TV 12 hours a day. Fuck shooting himself with a firehose or wearing a meat suit; that crazy bastard jumped the grand canyon on a dirt bike. Kids were allowed to eat Evil Knievel cereal with fractured tailbone shapes and broken face marshmallows because somehow we knew that we as children probably couldn't jump the grand canyon. Or maybe lots of us died trying and the jew-run media was just better at covering up tragedy back then. If so, congratulations to our Hebrew friends from the north. Or as they say, "Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!"

It's strange how only young, hip shows make parents bitch, when a lot of lame, mummy programming also may lead to accidents. My shop teacher in middle school loved Bob Vila specials. And after years of following Bob Vila examples, he barely had two of what you'd call fingers left. He was completely deaf and every year, another chunk of his body was torn off by a tablesaw or a power sander. The bastard was literally being ground down to nothing, and I'm sure his class is now being taught by a pulsing cube of flesh that was once a man. Meanwhile, Bob Vila is still in the same timeslot, sawing and jabbering away at the fabric of our society. Jackass might inspire some kids to screw themselves up, but Bob Vila is killing the man that showed me how to make a duck-shaped wooden cutting board. Knowledge I later used to make a dick-shaped wooden cutting board when I thought he wasn't looking, and then a vagina-shaped wooden vagina when I thought nobody at all was looking.

This is a drawing of what my shop teacher looked like, which will be included in my angry letter to Bob Vila's secretary, and thirty random addresses.

And this is a drawing of what my shop teacher's hand would have looked like if it somehow sprang to life and detached from his wrist for murder.

And here's a picture of my shop teacher's hand at a latino heat party.
Fun Fact on the Left: That's me disguised as a Mexican.
Fun Fact on the Right: Anthony doesn't need a disguise because he already is a Mexican. His favorite dish is ladies-- served hot!
Continue to Part 3 ->

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