Lawsuit Three: Mothers vs. Machine Guns, Mothers on Defensive End
Reason for Lawsuit: Marching mothers HATE machine guns.
Seeking: Everyone to say nice things about machine guns, or say nothing at all.


How can any child follow their mother's advice when she's stupid enough to pick a fight with a machine gun, such as this M1919A4 air-cooled .30 caliber Kraut-shredding bastard?
Of all the groups of people who you'd think would love machine guns, the Million Mom March is not one of them. In fact, most of them are AGAINST machine guns. And that's what's got them in trouble. A spokemsan mother called the Hiram Maxim Historical Society, Inc. (a group of machine gun enthusiasts) "a bunch of terrorists."

With a million moms putting their heads together, you'd think they would have figured out one of life's easiest lessons: When you're outside the safety of your bulletproof bunker, you don't call someone with a machine gun names. Much less an entire group of people who get together just to talk about how much they enjoy their machine guns.

Traditionally, the law favors automatic weapons over marching mothers, and the Hiram Maxim Historical Society is counting on that while they're filing their lawsuit against the Million Mom March for defamation of character, and hurting their machine guns' feelings.


Above: Unlike the Million Mom March, the Second Amendment Sisters insist that guns are useful in shooting criminals. This picture was taken right before they foiled a caper by gunning down the heisters' getaway car, exploding a gas station, and recovering the Prime Minister's daughter.
After hearing about the lawsuit, the accused mom spokesman told reporters, "I am flabbergasted and dumbfounded... I guarantee the allegations against me are false." Which is a pretty non apologetic thing to say when group of maniacs whose main hobby is machine gun enthusiasm hates you. I, personally, would have said, "Holy shit! I-- I...whoa... don't kill me... W-Holy shit!"

Case Predictions:
The mother's insults were understandable. Machine guns don't have the same reputation as lovable flame throwers or honest, trustworthy rocket launchers. Machine guns are noisy, heavy, and fire bullets that are constantly trying to kill Bruce Willis. Of course mothers don't like them. Because you don't need machine guns to take your kids to soccer or teach your household the true meaning of Christmas.

But one million mothers won't get machine guns to go away. For one thing, it's hard to consider yourself part of the world of machine gun enthusiasm without one. And once there's no more machine gun enthusiasm, I'll tell you what happens: no more multiple gunshot wound enthusiasm and you can say goodbye to the Massively Shredded Wildlife Official Fan Club. This case will probably go to the machine guns.

On to Part Four ->



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