"everyone should be like you, except for that hate against handicapped people."
From: Mujica

Oh yeah. I thought I used to be wierd... Until I saw your page.. Holy caca, this is pure genuine work of art! it's crap, but that's the best part! Ok, so here I have some shit! (Sorry if I curse, but it expands my English vocabulary by %50!). I loved your "Congratulations" Nintendo page, that's because I'm still a nerd and play games like Half_life and Final Fantasy, you dont do that anymore because you have a life, I think.
Yeah crap crap crap crap, I have a crappy crap game called Blimpo Warrior and It's a parody of Dragon Warrior, it just sucks so much. I think you should play it if you hate yourself, it's almost as wacky as your page except that your page is actually funny and offensive, I try to make myt game playable for all audiences so one day they'll worship me, yeah it's at: www.verge-rpg.com, check out the files or games section and look for Blimpo Warrior, that is if you're still a looser which I doubt (and I'm proud of being a looser! Yeeeh!) Weee.
You're wierd and I love you because of that, even if you offend me. Thank you for making life a little better by being wierd. everyone should be like you, except for that hate against handicapped people.. boohoo. Thanks for reading my letter and I hope you dont mail anything back at me because I'm afraid of what you can tell me. By the way, spank hard at this chick wheeeeee spanky!@

Along with the fucked up picture (left) included in this letter, I sold the rights of it to The Partnership of Parents Against Methamphetamines. They're using it in a new propaganda film showing the danger of giving children drugs. In it, Sam Elliot reads this letter aloud while the camera zooms in on a vibratingly excited kid in a straight jacket spitting foam. It was pretty powerful, but was missing the hip mascot characters necessary for getting the message to the kids on the street. Like penguins in sunglasses or a teddy bear on a skateboard; something bitchin' that children can base their lifestyle decisions on.

From: anon ymous

think Joyce will get pissed about the topless pic of Lis?

Joyce has done her best to accept that some women take off their top, but the fact that I've printed out this picture of Lynda Carter 4000 times and wallpapered our walls with it helps quite a bit. I apologize to all readers for the current uncontrollable desire to ram their pelvis against the screen, and I realize this would be the best place to admit that I've seen Mannequin Two: Mannequin on the Move 12 times. No one with a libido is going to be read this part anyway.

From: AJ

I am deeply offended by a great many things on your webpage, but it's too fucking hilarious for me to make any sort of coherent argument against it.

You're not alone. So far, no one has made any kind of coherent argument against my page. The closest anyone came was "You should take down this homepage because I'm fat." Ha ha. I am kidding. People tell me I am very funny because I say things that are not true and sometimes I say very loudly the lines from the funny Simpson's episodes.

"...stop insulting Canada... We suck."
From: Jarrett Samson

Holy shit. Congratulations on making the best fucking webpage I've ever seen. Not only is your page the funniest thing I ever read, you seem to be intelligent too. Intelligence and humor is a lost thing these days. Not that you care what I think, but that's ok.
And for once, you made current news jokes funny. Though I will admit that kid holding the skeleton with the sign that says 'Am I skinny enough for you?' was the best part. Fat people should stop whining about being mistreated, put down the icecream and get on the fucking treadmill. Anyways, I don't have anything much else to say. I was originally going to bother mentioning to stop insulting Canada, being Canadian, but then I decided there was no point. We suck. And our country's full of french people, and our leader doesn't speak english. Not that I dislike Canada, but.... Once again, you don't care, so why do I bother? I'll just shut up now. Keep up the great work on the page; I'll keep reading.

The reason I seem intelligent is because I had the finest education you can get from a group of former inmates and rodeo queens. I'd like to thank all of my teachers for not caring when I skipped class from 4th grade until college, and for Smiley, the lovable blind Canadian bus driver who took me in and taught me what love was really like north of the states. He showed me that Canadians do suck, figuratively and sloppily.

"Is my girlfriend a lesbian?"
From: allen plume telexmoon
comic porn

seanbaby.. what is your professional opinion of comics like "fathom" and games like "tomb raider" being regarded as echhi? because.. my girlfriend is a huge fan of both, and it freaks me out to see images like this [below]and then see very similar things when i'm looking at hentai on the internet. now.. since you draw comics, what do you think? don't you think its very possible that there are 13 year old boys who buy this stuff and then masturbate to it? is my girlfriend a lesbian?


Dear confused,
1. My professional opinion on "fathom" is that it's exceptionally dull stories broken up by a hot swimming chick. Sort of like Baywatch for literates. And I fucking hate "tomb raider." After bouncing my enormous breasts around, pulling levers and hopping over deadly puddles for a few minutes, I climb Lara to the highest peak and ruthlessly dive her head first into the rocks below until the bitch screams. If she were nude I might care less that her game is so boring, but until the top comes off, I'm going to be kickpunchblocking with this karate onion and crack crack cracking the egg into the bowl.

2. I think it's very possible that there are 13 year old boys masturbating to this stuff. I've heard of people getting turned on by sniffing bowling shoes and looking at naked pets, so it's not hard to see how semi-realistic drawings of amazingly sexy half naked women would turn someone on. Shit, I'd masturbate to comic books if I hadn't lost my penis on a bet.

3. Yes, your girlfriend is a dyke. She also farts.

"you do goo dowrk."
From: Bursach
oh god, seanbaby has too much skill

"Barely acknowledge him while you slowly massage your girlfriend's breasts and sexilly lick your lips at anyone who looks at you."

that was probobally one of the funniest things I've ever read. Seanbaby, you've saved me from a harsh deep depression that I didn't want... and I think you'll save me from many more.
I used to come and visit you on fortuncity almost everyday. And now that you are up again, it's coninued tenfold. So Seanbaby, I want to thank you from the deep recesses of my soul, you do goo dowrk.
oh yeah, and you make me laugh so goddamn hard I almost piss my self.

Thank you for the kind words, Bursach, and as a prize for being such a long time reader, I have translated your message into Japanese and then back into English.

"naked acceptance him while I little by little massage your sweetheart suck again sexilly lick your lips at everyone who countenance at you."
that was probobally Bigeye tuna of the funniest things I've read. Seanbaby, you've saved Mussolini from salty deep melancholia that I didn't want... again to go out you'll save maker from many yet I used to come again visit I at fortuncity abbreviation whole year. Again well that I are up again, it's coninued various. Therefore Seanbaby, I famine to thank I from ocean rest of my spirit, I do goo dowrk. Opium fortune, again I make mulatto laugh for that reason goddamn hard I abbreviation urine my ego.

"poor chango"
From: Bob Holly

boy, i'll yell what...this is one of the funniest, most original pages i have been to in a long time. Super Friends..damn funny (poor aquaman)...NES...Damn funny (poor Kin Korn Karn)...Movies page...damn funny (poor chango)...keep up the good damn funny work!

It's funny you mention Aquaman and Kin Korn Karn. They just got together and got their revenge with an anti-Seanbaby Page. It was mostly just pictures from my middle school yearbook they had drawn moustaches on. Kin Korn wrote captions under them like, "Of great stupid is me!" Aqua Man's contribution was a busy aquatic themed background. When they finished, they sent me an email saying, "It you turn now!" Anyway, the page was deemed inappropriate under the 1997 Lame Telecommunication Act, and was deleted by the Council of Web Empire.

"If you were a female, I would hunt you down to mount you"
From: El Solo Lobo

God, er, Hi, er something.
Goddamnit all man, you are truely, I have,... no words to describe, vandalism isn't as cool as your hair man (I have painted many a crude pictures of naked girls on walls). Ok getting on with life, I have to say Seanbaby, I print your pages and read them wherever boredom strikes me. First at work, where all the other men look at me funny for reading somekinda shit about some Mega Man game thing. Then at church, where my father almost called me down (I know that doesn't sound like much but understand my father is the preacher and he was preaching at the time) I would stay away from church but dad would cry and there is nothing sadder than a preacher man father crying (ok its pathetic). If you were a female I would hunt you down to mount you, hell I might do it with you now it after I read the mega man page again. Your a true Super Friend Seanbaby, now go show off your powers of wearing latex without fear (hey, its more practicle than aquatic telepathy). I am suprised you haven't put up pages on the Gary Coleman show, or the various other shows now playing the late night round up on Cartoon Network. Is it me or did CN rip your ranting about aquaman in that damn comercial.
Well now all I can do is lay back and read old NESter comics from some old nintendo powers. Would be nice to see some of those on your page, to bad they deap sixed that bastard. Hell I could go on, but Seanbaby, your picture will be in my dreams.

Vandals have always been the target audience for my material, since they tend to be the best promoters. I not only owe El Solo Lobo for the thousands of bathroom stall readers that are now Seanbaby Fans, but for showing us the maximum amount of fear one man can pack into his internet alias. I'm hiding under my bed, El Solo Lobo! I try in vain to escape your name's fierceness as it terrorizes my mind!!!

From: Monty Ashley

Web pages like yours are what's great about the Internet. I'm surfing aimlessly around, following near-random links, and suddenly, there's this huge trove of peculiar stuff.
And that's cool.
-Monty, grateful for the chance to use the word "trove"

Staff Response from Seanbaby's Homepage's intern and mascot, Kora!:
Beateous happiness fills us to allow speak speak of "trove." Of most common words that are receive to us direct are, "Fucking", "Asshole", and "Faggot." The greatest magic is friendship. I enjoy drinking many different teas.

From: Willy Nelson
Sweet Ass Site

Congratulations!! The Sweet Ass Site award has been bestowed upon you for your lightning speed super powers and your link to Miguels site!

Will, I can't tell what the fuck that pink pile of fuzz is. It could be some sort of muppet pig, or some sort of digitally altered giant cock. If I stare at it long enough and then quickly look at something blue, I amazingly do not see Jesus. However, I am honored by your thoughtful award, and feel like an asshole for only sending you an autographed lock of my hair. Fans note: due to a pyrotechnics accident, all future requests for locks of Seanbaby's hair may not be filled. However, there are fruit cups and beanie Sean's still available.