Batman, I can't think of any reason why you'd tie yourself up in your own bat boomerang unless you couldn't think of a better excuse to rub against Robin.
Batman was the brains of the team, which is a lot like being the tough guy in the Erasure fan club. His retarded science lessons made us fail more classes in grade school than modeling glue and fetal alcohol syndrome put together. It's not like it was his completely his fault though -- he didn't really need his brain after he got his Bat Computer. If someone give him a problem, a riddle, or if he just wanted to tell the future, he would feed crap into its slot. Not necessarily clues most times-- things like sandwiches, vacation pictures, stuff he found in his nose, and eventually the machine would spit out an answer on a long paper receipt. (Which was only for show, it always read it outloud for him anyway.)

Batman was also in charge of the end-show moral speeches at whatever imbecile kids or animals the Super Friends had taken in and dressed up in capes that week. The one thing that was really notable about Batman was the 5 toolsheds he had somehow jammed into his Utility Belt. I've seen him pull out bugspray, boomerangs, inflatable batrafts, 80 feet of batrope, and if Robin was lucky, tiny bat nipple clips. Batman could fall asleep and his belt would keep fighting crime. There were so many knobs and switches on it that he set off car alarms every time he let his gut hang loose. If you needed something bat-shaped and stupid, he probably had it in there somewhere. It was amazing. My cable guy only had a couple pliers and some wire on his belt, and it still yanked his pants down to his knees every time he moved.

The comic up there is actually a faithful adaptation of a real episode. You can watch it in Batman's SUPER THEATER under Batman Got One!

Continue to Batman Part 2 ->