It makes sense that Superman is so stupid. Stupidity is probably what's going to get us super powers. After a few more generations of wandering in front of trains and spilling hot coffee on ourselves, we'll evolve to give birth to invincible babies. As long as people know how to make plane reservations and use a stove, we'll never learn to fly or shoot heat beams from our eyes. Helpless idiocy is the key to the future. That's why the government lets people sue TV every time they light themselves on fire-- to promote handicapitude and thus lead the way to fantastic powers.

Superman moves the Earth around a lot, and whenever it happens, we see a shot of it from space. He flies away from the camera, disappears into the distance, and the Earth starts moving. Easy. But to anyone standing next to Superman at the time, it would just look like some guy in pantyhose was doing a handstand. And if he told you he was saving your planet, would you believe him? No, you'd run like hell and call the handstand police to give them the case of their lives.


vs. Cavemen
Video (0:54)

vs. Zykree
Video (0:32)

vs. Giant Tar Monster
Video (0:39)

vs. A Mummy
Video (1:01)

vs. Frankenstein Robot
Video (0:41)

vs. Street Sweeper
Video (0:49)

"His Grip is Like an Oven of Liquid Rock!"
Video (0:48)

"Super Poop"
Video (0:42)

Expanding Whale
Video (0:46)

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