Seanbaby's site now has a new mascot. It's Kora!, the slightly scary anthropormorphic coke bottle. All readers are recommended to meditate to his image and occasionally scream his adorable name during sloppy gay sex. Also, all Seanbaby party attendees will now be issued Kora! napkins and transparent Kora! bras to wear. Do not look directly at Kora! or try to touch him. Kora! can read your thoughts. Kora! is a carbonated whore. Kora! bounces higher than the point from which he was dropped. His cola flavored body makes you happy. Kora! is our joy friend.

Kora encourages you to enjoy Links to Our Favorite Websites!

French Version
Modern me says: "Years and years ago, this mess was the front of the website. Sections linked to from here were written way back before 1998 while I was in class or at work, being silly instead of productive. Some of the links have been taken out since things have been moved around so much."

Welcome to my homepage. Bienvenidos a mis pantalones. Here you can read the triumphant saga of my growing up in a Menudo songwriting sweatshop. It's where I first learned to clap. And if you don't give a shit about me and the amateurish child psychology I was subjected to, you can remember the decade of rolled up jeans and Todd Bridges on the Super Friends, Nintendo, or Hostess Fruit Pie page. If you're still not satisfied and were just looking for pictures from the International Gay Rodeo Association, this is the page for you. It's like a wet dream come true, except you get more sperm on yourself here.

In the darkest corner of China Town, Hank Stone (Richard Greico, If Looks Could Kill, Crotch Master III) and April Winkle (Estelle Getty, TV's Golden Girls, Stop or my Mom will Shoot), are caught up in a web of conspiracy, treachery, and murder. In a world of corruption, even the law can't be trusted, and they must put their faith in Bobbie, an adorable talking turkey. Bring the whole family to this fun-filled romp, but watch out! It just might make a TURKEY out of you. "What the fuck are you talking about?" demanded Seanbaby's girlfriend.

"The most amazing web page on the internet today!" raved WebReview Weekly about a completely unrelated web page.

Forging the way for a new age of enlightenment are educated philosophers and musicians forced to do public service announcements. And then there are things like this page that are just pictures of Lynda Carter combined with text that rarely has anything to do with her. Disclaimer: The page is named improperly and is of no help to anyone. "Licking the computer monitor clean isn't nearly as unpleasant when there are pictures of Wonder Woman on it!" exclaimed a slightly embarrassed Seanbaby while coughing up dust.
Created at 3:30 in the morning in the middle of several personal and political crises, this mentally destructive collection of words and images is what I realized I had done after waking up in a pile of vomit in a Mexican jail. In what is single handedly responsible for over twelve people unsubscribing to America Online and is affectionately called "Seanbaby's Bitchy Page" by fans, you can amaze your friends at how long something can be and yet still have no point. "What a narcissistic little queer," commented BeerDawg, a member of the local Delta Iota Kappa fraternity.
Armed with his Bachelor of Arts Degree in Art, Seanbaby babbles about the art world and his place in it. But don't worry, he didn't pay attention much in class, so it's not like he'll talk over your head. This page features a bunch of Seanbaby's spandexed metaphorical extensions of his penis. "You almost tricked me into thinking you knew what you were talking about, you *ACK!" critiqued an art historian before Seanbaby hit him in the throat.
Come see a film ignored by Hollywood and praised by internet nerds through the perspective of a true fancy pants. One of Seanbaby's more unique pages since he doesn't spend half of it explaining why he doesn't like you, it has all the comics, pictures, and quotes you need to complete the Bruce Campbell collage in your basement. "U r FuCKiInG StoOpid,DoOD!!1!" commented a recent aol visitor while dreaming of one day growing chest hair.
A page devoted to the finest in cinema from the romantic saga of Flash Gordon to the introspective and rivetting Bloodsport. "I don't know how you can have such an extensive film education and still praise this garbage," said most of the faculty at the University of Idaho in a recent letter to Seanbaby suggesting he change his major to Tourism and Recreation.
This page gives disputable proof about how movies should always contain Danny Trejo, Fred Williamson, and Mexican vampires. From Seanbaby, a man whose advice should never be listened to at any time, and whose pages are better suited for using in your case against internet freedom of speech. "How the hell could I have not been in this film?" demanded Al Leong after dressing up like Genghis Khan and getting shot by Chow Yun Fat in an alley.
What started as a simple internet panties-selling business relationship grew into an almost beautiful friendship as Seanbaby and Ro began exchanging emails even when they weren't interested in buying one another's underwear. Seanbaby said the friendship started since Ro was funny, but she said she only talked to him because she didn't have any underwear left to sell and had nothing better to do. "Rosy is smashing! She talks just like Austin Powers, baby!" exclaimed one young reader before leaping into traffic.
Action and adventure can be yours as Grampa Timmy and the Dread Pirate Danny leave for their fantastic voyage across the shark infested water of the Chocalate Rain Forest. After the indians attack with their army of bigfoots, the only way Go-Kart Warrior will survive is if you believe in fairies hard enough! So clap, you little whores, while you read shockingly explosive stories of excitement! "Oh sweet Jesus. Somebody didn't actually write this crap down did they?" critiqued one ummoved reader.
Extend a helping hand this Christmas by donating to little Jenny's charity. Every click to this Desperado page will take 4 cents away from this dying girl's wish to one day fall in a well. The Society for Children in Peril ask that you do not visit or even look too long at the link to this page. "I fell in a well once. Well, not really a well. It was just a wheelbarrow," commented an old retarded man after Wheel of Fortune went to commercial.
"I stumbled along yur page frm link and yu suck. Kristians are cool. jst cause u are not is np reasno to redicule them!!!" These and other hilarious reader anecdotes are available here. It's a frightening look inside the head of the strange people that enjoyed this enormous pile of haphazardly arranged shit I call a website. And I didn't forget the people that hate me, which is reportedly a significant portion of the population.
Did you wish you could hear more current event based humor? Of course you didn't, but I made this fucking page anyway. In it, you can keep up with all the signs of the coming apocalypse. Yeah, it's the same Gay Teletubbies, pro wrestling governors, and severed penises you heard about everywhere else, but from a reporter who swears and hates everybody. "It's like a talk show monologue, only it doesn't suck ass!" commented a man who checked into the emergency to remove a curling iron from his ass.
Remember when you could stop evil with a Twinkie? When the light, flaky crust of a Hostess Fruit Pie could make any villain forget their badly thought out plans for world domination? If you do, then this page will remind you how fucking crazy it can get when you mix super heroes and snacks. "The largest collection of Hostess Fruit Pie ads in the world!? My Spider-Crotch (tm) is tingling!" blurted a nervous Peter Parker as he tried on his new Space Vampire Robo Security Guard action accessories.
Some comics have transcended their genre to be considered great literature by the mainstream. However, everything represented on this page is about as well written as the insane scribblings of a monkey with a concussion. That includes the shit Seanbaby types while he's trying to pretend to not be looking down the shirt of the girl next to him. That's what makes this page notably stupid, even for the internet. "Is this train station?" questioned a confused Japanese tourist.
A strangely informative page where the lesser historical moments of video games are brought to light. With games about Jesus, dental hygiene, the A-Team, and Hide n' Sneak, it promises to barely be more fun than Seanbaby's Dead Insect Gallery Page and not quite as fun as the Spice Girls' Breasts Page. "Seanbaby's insightful look at such video game classics produces a heartfelt and descriptive essay the whole family can enjoy," said a legless skateboard messenger after I kicked him over.

Seanbaby's page is now brought to you by the nice people at Old Man Murray. Stop by and tell them I love them.
Almost a room full of people have decided that some of this crap is worth reading. Of course, a lot of people like country music too, and should be ignored completely. Contained here are all the prestigious internet awards I have slacked off at work to win. Hopefully, coming soon will be the "Certified Super Star! You are a Winner!" award given out by my mother to one of her children every year.