Shannon and I, raging.

This chick totally hated me. She accused me of being homophobic, which is understandable since at the time I was just coming up with a theory about how when gay men make out they're secretly pounding out morse code on each other's tongues to hatch secret plans to murder me. If Damien and Justin thought my theory was erotic but insensitive, they didn't mention anything about it.

Here's the proof: See, these guys here were coming up with an elaborate way to kill me before Serra started pouring honey down their mouths. This garbled their secret tongue codes and instead of perfectly planning my assasination, they ended up planning a window display on the history of ass parasites. I owe Serra my life, and the International Council of Ass Parasite Enthusiasts owes her a little bit more than that.

On a scale of one to ten, Damien's head tasted great.

Here are Jay, Christjan, Aaron, JL, and Julie. And here's what they might read about Danny if they were reading my Unauthorized New Kids on the Block Fact File: "The one thing Danny always tells fans is to stay off the streets. He also wants you to hang onto your dreams."

Ai, Sanje, and Brin probably don't know this, but according to my New Kids on the Block Fact File, "Once, when he was a child, Danny fell off his bicycle and had a bad accident. That memory still haunts Danny."

Next ->

Back to
NES & EGM    Kick to the Groin    Super Friends    Hostess Fruit Pies
Absoludicrous Video    Stupid Comic Ads    Classic

About the Site    Contact