This girl said it was her birthday. Which may have been bullshit, since I'd just told her I was Holland's champion vagina sucker and was good friends with the living member of Milli Vanilli, Vanilli. Just in case it really was her birthday...

... I kissed her...

... and gave her the use of celebrity funnyman Jack Black for the rest of the party.

If me, Jay, and Serra were all the parent of a hyperactive child with daytime wetting problems, we would know that it is important to identify the pattern of accidents before we begin to work on the problem. For at least two weeks, we should keep a record of all accidents, noting time of day and circumstances.
(This caption taken from YOUR HYPERACTIVE CHILD, Chapter 7)

If me and Kara ever won custody of a hyperactive child with daytime wetting problems in an arm wrestling competition, we would do this every time the child urinated: have him practice stopping and starting the stream of urine. Explain that this will help strengthen the muscle that contols urination.
(This caption also taken from YOUR HYPERACTIVE CHILD, same chapter)

"Like I said in my philosophical thesis, the only true way to see oneself is thro-- hey. My eyes are up here, Princess Dick-Looker."

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