Adventures of Sam Spade: "Death on the Speedway"

Judy and Jim Defy Savage Gorilla

Captain Tootsie Traps Killer Bear with Invisible Light

Captain Tootsie and the Radar Rescue

Wheaties: "Breakfast of Champions" With Milk and Fruit

The fact that the gorilla immediately recognized the children's weapons means it's probably been shot many, many times.
Effectiveness: 10/10
You can earn a rifle. A gorilla-killing rifle. Starting now, the rest of my life is narrowed down to two goals: Goal one is selling you some salve or whatever, and goal two is killing gorillas from the back of my live pony. If you see anyone at any time doing anything else, that's not me.

Radness of Zoo Regulations: 9/10
If there was really a zoo cool enough to leave the gorilla cages open and let little boys and girls come in fully armed, Mickey Mouse would have to give out free blowjobs to keep Disneyland from going bankrupt.

Creepy Picture of a Moon Man Saying, "WE TRUST YOU"?


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