Angelina, Amanda, and I all hate the camera.

Amanda's over it, but Angelina and I were serious: fuck the camera.

This is a kung fu form Eddie showed me called White Monkey Presenting Fruit. It's for when you're facing hungry opponents and you're a monkey. Also, it's invincible.

I don't normally wear shirts 8 sizes too small, but I traded with some girl I met at a barbecue after we both agreed that I thought writing was more dino-mite than her.

My friend Alexa gets paid to be beautiful; where on the other hand, I actually have to pay a small fee every time I smile for the camera.

Crispin and I get the shit started at the GMR one year anniversary party.

Then Dan Hsu tried to make out with me. Moments later: mission accomplished! Woo hoo!

If Melody from Tecmo was any cuter, she'd technically be a koala bear.

When Jean Claude Van Damme was training to beat Tong Po in Kickboxer, he did stupid pointy things while completely underwater. What I'm doing here is the beginner, non-underwater version of that.

Angelina, me, and Tiff in the limo. You know, sometimes I ask myself what I did to deserve things like this; then I remember saving Camp Winnamucca from the strip mining fur traders with nothing but three musical montages and one Spinning Death Attack.

Me and Scotty from the New York Rifles. You can't see it because it's invisible, but that's karate flames my hand is bursting into.

Thanks to my MTV show, I could achieve the impossible by posing with myself.


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