|
For quick reference in what's most important, each game will receive an Eroticism rating, computed by expert pelvises. This rating describes how likely the game is to get you from cold and fishy to dripping with desire. And although most of the actual gameplay in these games involve sexual content, for players to see the majority of the pornographic material, they have to earn it. That's why there will also be a Nudity Challenge rating. This describes how much trouble it's going to be for you and your joystick to see hoo ha.
|
|
The Top 10 Naughtiest Games of All Time
Just like orphans and tapdancing, eroticism and video games were meant to be together. Barrel-throwing gorillas and nudity are a perfect match, and sand paintings show that even as far back as ancient Egypt primitive man has been mixing pornography with Zaxxon. This exciting journalistic journey into digital poontang you're reading is the unedited version of the article of "The 9 Naughtiest Games of All Time" that appeared in EGM at the end of 2002. It was formed by months of painstaking and throbbing reasearch, most of which was cut from the magazine for space issues, morality constraints, and my overuse of the words fucking, vagina, and combinations of the two. For example, "fuckaginal vagcretions." Take this Warning seriously, concerned parents and/or fragile bitches: adult game designers often cross the line between sexily risque and fucking lunacy, and some of the games you'll read about here are disturbing with our without my potty mouth.
Warning Number Two: Some of the things and the breasts attached to them discussed in this article may confuse and frighten younger readers. If you are one of them, please stop reading and skip to the review of any of the games where you splatter the heads off of aliens with a rocket launcher. Talking about adult games is a time for maturity and self-manipulation, so if a game is about rubbing up against someone's ass, I'm not going to dance around the subject dropping coy hints. I don't call body parts "you-know-whats," and anyone who does is probably too busy planning a teddy bear picnic for their many vaginas to read this anyway. So the views I express and words I use are not necessarily the steamy, erotic opinions of EGM or its hot, girl-on-girl parent companies. There will be occassions where adult situations are described frankly and possibly typed by my engorged dong. The terms used will be as medical as possible, which is a waste of both our times since if you're reading an article about people boning each other on your Nintendo, you're probably not going to break down crying if I curse while I'm describing someone's crotch.
|
