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8: Burning Desire
Atari 2600



As you can see, there are two things growing out of your groin, and both of them are longer than your legs. Bad graphics, or are you playing the part of the greatest man who's ever lived?
In Burning Desire, you play the role of a naked air rescue worker swooping in to save a woman from cannibals. She's tied to a pedestal and being slowly burned to death. For your daring rescue, you dangle yourself from a helicopter and drip the fire out with one of the two rod-shaped things jutting out of your pelvis. I'm not a physiologist, but I'd like to think the one squirting all over the fire and the distressed lady's face is a fire hose and not a monstrous ejaculating penis, but because this is supposed to be an ADULT game, I have a feeling we should all be pretty grossed out.

Eroticism: 1/10
Once you slowly, drip-by-drip, put out the fires that are cooking the woman alive, you lower yourself down to her. Her near-food experience didn't make her any less cock crazy, so she'll grab your previously unused, non-squirting rod with her mouth and hold on with her teeth as you fly away. So if you're still trying to solve the mystery that the bad graphics have given us, you're either a rescue worker carrying a fire hose and airlifting a woman out mouth-first with your penis, or you have double the normal amount of reproductive organs, one of them a handle and the other a fire extinguisher. Whichever of those fantasies this erotic game is trying to create, unnhh! oh my god-- ohmygod I NEED THIS GAME INSIDE ME!!!


"I'm from the pants-free airlift rescue unit 17. Are you all right, maam? I... thank you, miss, but I'm just doing my job. There's no reason to... um, sit on my face and suck my balls."
Nudity Challenge: 2/10
Putting out the fire takes a few minutes, and while you're doing it, the only thing natives can do is throw rocks at the strange flying machine stealing their lunch. And just like you'd expect, a rock is no match for a helicopter dangling a naked man with a groin that can put out forest fires. The actual rescue is simple, but your only reward is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it animation of a half-monster woman sixty-nining you. And if riding out of the jungle biting on the end of a man's unit didn't give you a good indication of how smart this woman is, it takes this stupid bitch all of three seconds to find her way from your face back to the native people's cooking pot to start the whole ordeal over.

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