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7: The Yakyuken Special
Sega Saturn



"Little girl! Listen very carefully! Run away from the man with the camera-- run away as fast as you can!"
The Yakyuken Special is a complicated game. First you select from a stable of cute Japanese girls to play Rock-Paper-Scissors against. Actually, "cute" isn't the right word for all of them. Some of these girls are at least half donkey. After you pick one, she politely gives her name, measurements, and age and challenges you to Rock-Paper-Scissors. If you win, she removes a piece of clothing. Then there's a video of her dancing. But not a sexy, stripper dance. All the girls dance like adorable bouncing princesses. And that's fine when they're dressed in a little tennis outfit, but when a grown woman is stripped down to tiny panties, there's something fucking wrong about her dancing like a ten year old in a cookie commercial. Of course, this is a game from Japan. We should just be happy that that country of deviants showed the restraint of not having an octopus demon slither into the room and take a crap on her forehead.

Eroticism: 8/10
The innocence never leaves these dancing girls' faces. There are times where you swear they have no idea that getting naked and dancing on a Sega Saturn is naughty. They have the same demeanor they'd have if they were performing in a talent show for their grandmothers. That means that no matter how naked they get, you, the player, are the one who feels dirty. Here's the thing, though: that doesn't make it less hot. Because whether you're innocently smiling while you hop in your underwear or whether you're climbing a sleazy juice bar's pole with your vagina, if you're a slutty asian teen, people are going to like it.


Above: The Yakyuken Special is unleashed! Inset: ass.
Nudity Challenge: 9.5/10
Each strip-showdown lasts until someone loses five times. By that time, it's either Game Over, or you're watching a prancing nude girl spread the spirit of friendship with her smile and exposed nipples. Unfortunately, this game cheats. I swear it fucking cheats. Statistically, in Rock-Paper-Scissors, you should win about half the games. Here you maybe win one out of every fifty games. If you manage to spend the time and effort required to get a girl in this game to adorably peel her panties off, you probably could have gotten laid thirty to forty times by actual women. No, screw that. I've met burn-victim nuns who are easier to get naked than the girls in this game. The Yakyuken Special is like buying a stack of porno and only letting yourself read it if you can call a coin flip fifty times in a row. That being said, believe this: you can lose at this game for ten hours and spend each minute of it happy.

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