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#02: Boong-Ga Boong-Ga

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2: Boong-Ga Boong-Ga

Everyday life in Japan: a distinguished businessman prepares to violate an arcade game's ass. I hate to question the usefulness of this game, since it is possible that through a series of wacky circumstances you'll need to one day digitally stimulate your mother-in-law's rectum. If it happens, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga will help to train you for that day. Still, you shouldn't need the training. Probing your mother-in-law's rectum isn't a competition, and she'll probably find your clumsiness charming.
Developed by Koreans for the Japanese, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga is the first arcade game that combines of assaulting assholes and fortune-telling. You select from eight characters like "Mother-in-Law," "Con artist," and "Child Molester" and then, steel yourself for this, you ram a giant plastic finger into an ass that protrudes out from the arcade unit next to the words "HAVE A FUN!! ENJOY." As you poke, spank, and probe, the game plays an animation of your victim wailing in pain, and then the game, and I'm not fucking kidding, rates your sexual virility based on the impact of your finger against its virtual colon. Oh, and its corporate mascot is a six foot magical monster made out of turd. (see below for the revealing brochure)

This game does more than threaten the future with an army of highly trained madmen proctologists, it shames America's industrial complex. First we lose the space race to the Commies, and now Japan and Korea have beaten us in the great Virtual Digital Rectal Stimulation Simulation race. And if you're anything like me, you've already asked yourself about the dangers of this ass technology being in the hands of two foreign powers known for giant radioactive monsters and nuclear weapons, respectively. And again, if you're like me, this train of thought quickly hits a wall when you realize that you're not an accredited expert on foreign colon-probing policies. So until one of us is, let's just assume that we're all going to die, but not quite as quickly if we stay far away from Boong-Ga Boong-Ga.

Eroticism: ?/10
Since the entire idea behind this mess confuses me, I couldn't give it a fair Eroticism rating. So to come up with your own personal rating for how erotic this game is, rate the likelihood of you ever saying this sentence: "I am so horny after being at the arcade pretending to jam my finger up a child molester's asshole all day!"

Boong-Ga Boong-Ga's corporate mascots, a finger beast and a turd in pajamas, discuss the pleasures of sudden and violent gastrointestinal intrusion. The designers say the game's useful for relieving stress, and maybe I'm confused because of some culture gap, but if ramming your finger into the asshole of a "Gold digger" is how you relax, there is a one hundred percent chance that you just got done doing something illegally insane. If this game really wanted to help the world, it would drop a steel cage around anyone who puts a quarter in it and club him or her until the authorities arrived.
Nudity Challenge: 0/10
There's really no nudity to earn in this game, but after a successful game, a card pops out of the machine that "will explain your sexual behavior." And guessing what kind of people would assault a toy ass in public, it's a safe bet that each and every card reads, "You sex life big time number one disaster of freakish criminal behavior."

Final Porno Game...
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