Part
4: Chet's Hotel Adventure
Chet:
Our first night in LA was spent at our plush hotel in Beverly Hills. UGO had a little
private affair and brought in the celebrities to try to impress us platinum affiliates. I
was forced to spend 45 sober minutes next to Gary Coleman aching to ask him to say,
"Whatchu talkin' bout Willis." To quell my need and avoid embarrassment, Erik
repeatedly went up to Seanbaby and said, "What are you talking about
Seanbaby?" This made me smile the first time, but I needed more. Finally after an
hour of free UGO brand ether I decided to break the wananananana shell and turn to Gary
Coleman and ask that he might grant me my wish. Sadly, in my haze I turned to Rap bad boy
Snoop Doggy Dog and told him, "Say 'whatchu talkin' about Willis.' Say it!" The
last thing I remember before blacking out was Snoop standing over me screaming, "I
will show you what I am talking about peckerwood..." If I had eyes in my chest, the
last thing they would have seen was the bottom of Snoop Doggy Dog's boot rocketing towards
them. (above right: Actual x-ray of Chet's broken rib) (above left: Chet recovering in
bed)
Between the pain, painkillers, and beer Red
stole from the GOD booth, I ended up staying in my bed for almost all of E3. I think I
only left the hotel once for a quick trip to the show where I was forced to play Dukes of
Hazzard for the gameboy. Erik insists it was the booze or the Darvocet, but from what I
remember, DOH for the gameboy is going to be the best game ever!!! (above
left: exclusive ACTUAL IN-GAME SCREENSHOT. Rectangle on top is General Lee, lower
rectangle: candy bar.)
Since I was asleep at the hotel, I hoped I'd at least
dream about E3: flying around checking out all the hotties and the Neo Geo Pocket.
When that didn't work, I tried to dream about what Seanbaby was doing. Sadly, the best my
dumb brain could come up with was Mike Wilson in a dress flipping off the camera
Seanbaby-style. Thinking this was as good as my dream was likely to get, I snuck a quick
kiss.
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