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Mothers everywhere drove their pink Feraris to the mall to get a copy of this game so their little girls would have something to play on the family Nintendo. Not only did it have all of the excitement the world of Barbie can offer, we got a chance to see inside her scary plastic head during the opening sequence:
"Wow, what a great book! I love reading about mermaids! But... yawn! I'm getting sleepy now. I need my rest-- tomorrow's a busy day! I'm having lunch at the soda shop... going swimming at the beach... meeting Ken at the party tomorrow... but... yawn! First I have to go to the mall and pick up that new outfit. So much to do..."
As you can tell, Barbie leads a full and rewarding life and hasn't had time to slip "Get a fucking education" in between "Go swimming," and "Eat at soda shop." I'm not sure which is more pathetic: a life that revolves around soda shops and malls, or playing a video game about a character whose life revolves around soda shops and malls.
The game itself was designed by someone with Barbie's intellectual capabilities, and consists of her fighting inanimate objects at the mall while bombarding the player with pink imagery. The game did inspire me to start reading more about mermaids, though!
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Since I played this game, I think that means I'm gay.
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Graphics: 1 |
I can't really give you a good description of the graphics. It seemed like it was
rude to stare at Barbie. All I know is that that there was a hell of a lot of pink and lots
of flowers and shit.
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Fun: 0 |
It's not just because I'm a boy; this game really really sucks.
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Girl Power: 0 |
This game was responsible for setting the woman's liberation movement
back 30 years. Mattel later tried to publicly apologize by releasing a more modern intelligent
Barbie product with, "Barbie's Biochemistry Lab(tm)" This made political gender situations even worse
as the lab consisted of a set of pink test tubes, a heart shaped vinyl lab coat, and instructions
on making Kool-Aid. Four Mattel factories were firebombed by Leather Mamas, a gang
of biker lesbians.
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