Jim Henson's Muppet Adventure. I think this game was written by the Swedish Chef and programmed by Beaker. It was sort of like the Muppet Show except there were no songs, and nothing fun ever happened. It revolved around a group of muppets who were trying to rescue Miss Piggy. She was "pignapped." Oh... ha ha. That's a little joke from the game. Ohhh...
Luckily, Miss Piggy got captured at a carnival, so the muppets get to go on super fun rides and things to save her. The first is one where Kermit floats slowly down a river in an inner tube. It's about as fun as it sounds.
After that, one of the monster muppets (I can't remember its name. I was always too busy watching the A-Team, Misfits of Science, and V: The Final Battle to watch the damn Muppet Show.) drives a bumper car through a bomb filled obstacle course. It sounds dangerous, but if you go slow enough, it's laughably easy to never get hit by anything bad. But since the game is already boring enough, you'll probably just drive as fast as you can and not care if you hit a bomb. And you can take 5 hits before you die and you have nine lives, so I don't think there are enough bombs on the course to kill you anyway. It's a boring game. I didn't say it was hard.
Then you can play two other games that Animal programmed in an afternoon of screaming and banging on a computer keyboard. One had Gonzo flying through monotonous outer space, and the other was an exciting game where you moved Fozzie across the screen to pick up presents. Not only would no one ever consider playing through these boring things, who the fuck cares if Miss Piggy is missing? Couldn't they just find some other fat puppet to annoy everyone?
Fozzie grins and prepares to walk over to get the present. I don't know how in the hell you can mix two things as cool as
puppets and Nintendo and come up with something so bad.
||Yeah, they were bad, but not enough for me to have something
funny to say about them. So I'll just say, "pignapped" again. Hee hee.
||Here is a list of things one might say while playing the various
River Ride: "Golly. Kermit's coming up on a rock. Only have a fraction of a second. Better push left. Whew."
Car Course: "God damn it, when does this damn thing end?"
Space Ride: "Wow. I'm playing Muppet Adventure."
Amazing Maze: "Guess I'll move Fozzie over here. Okay. Now I'll... eyes.... heavy... game... boring."
||Medicinal Purposes: 8
||This game is often prescribed by doctors and psychologists to cure insomnia.
The CIA used to use Jim Henson's Muppet Adventure as a torture device until the court
case of the "People of Guatemala vs. CIA and Muppets" found this to be cruel and unusual.