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Total Recall. A masterfully ruined idea for a video game from the king of unplayable movie games, Acclaim. In this waste of electricity, you're supposed to follow the plot of the movie, but I don't really remember in the movie where Arnold is yanked into an alley to do battle with midgets in pink jumpsuits. But to be honest, all I ever remember is the alien chick with three boobs.

Your character has an incredible number of moves at his disposal: both a jump, and a little thing he does that resembles a punch. These will both come in handy when you're trying to stay away from the six year olds that pop out of garbage cans to shoot at you. Also, look out for cars that drive by and throw baseballs at you. It's that kind of neighborhood.

I would tell you more about the game, but I quit playing it when I heard someone coming. I didn't want anyone to know I had Total Recall in my Nintendo.

If I was a little bearded midget in a pink jumpsuit, I would not go attack anyone who looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Graphics: 1 The graphics in this game were as ugly as those psychic mutants from the faulty Mars domes.
Fun: 1 When you get in a fight, most of your enemies' main attacks are hopping over your head over and over. I guess that's kind of fun. In a circus clown kind of way.
Versatility: 4 Besides containing one of the worst games ever, the cartridge can also be used to fix a wobbly table, to act as a coaster, or even to bonk a participant on the head during a puppet show.
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