19
18
17
16
15
14
13
12
11
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

Back
This game was based on the adventures of Athena as she went on a quest to cure her boredom. She attempts this by walking sideways for a few hundred screens fighting potato bugs and guys that look like giraffes and pigs. You travel from "World of X" to "World of something else" until you can finally get it into Athena's head that she's never going to cure her boredom as long as she's stuck in this damn game. My fellow appreciator of garbage Nintendo games, Big Red, had this to say about Athena:
"The point of the whole game is pantently ridiculous (Athena is bored and looking for adventure! Keep her alive in the dangerous land of X!...does this sound like one of those bad D&D adventures we all had as kids, where the DM starts off the story with, 'You happen to be standing at the entrance to a dungeon. What do you do?'), and the extra stuff they tried to add in (catch the magic shell necklace and you can turn into a mermaid!) seemed designed to interest little girls who don't like Nintendo."
If you take the time to look for the nonhelpful secret items, you can unlock Athena's secret subgame I call "Dress up!" This is a very exciting sequence where you make Athena's clothes clash by putting a flourescent green helmet on with her pink gogo dress. After this, I usually point at the screen and laugh at her lack of fashion sense until I am killed by a giraffe-headed man with a club. Then I curse myself for dirtying my Nintendo with the Athena cartridge.

Athena struggles to hold her grotesquely large head up as she prepares to bonk her menacing enemies with her blue ladel wooden driver thing.

Graphics: 2 The graphics add some challenge to the game as you spend most of your time trying to figure out what you're fighting. The masterfully designed visuals may lead to heated arguments with your friends as to whether or not a creature is a potato or a turd.
Fun: 1 Athena is bored for a reason. I think it's because her game sucks.
Historical Accuracy: 10 This story of the ancient adventures of Athena, goddess of war and wisdom, is painstakingly accurate. The programmers did their research well, and were able to recreate the ancient Greek world of pig men down to the tiniest of details like the pink clubs and mini skirts. Hephaestus himself would think it was real.
Next ->
NES & EGM    Kick to the Groin    Super Friends    Hostess Fruit Pies
Absoludicrous Video    Stupid Comic Ads    Classic

About the Site    Contact