20: Extreme Sports With the Berenstein Bears

19: Bible Adventure

18: Kriss Kross: Make My Video

17: Bubsy 3D

16: Bad Street Brawler

15: Total Recall

14: Rapjam Volume One

13: AIRCARS

12: Night Trap

11: Heroes of the Lance

10: Revolution X

9: Custer's Revenge

8: White Men Can't Jump

7: Superman 64

6: Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon

5: Virtuoso

4: Captain Novolin

3: Fight For Life

2: Club Drive

1: E.T. The Extraterrestrial





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#6: Zelda: Wand of Gamelon (CDI)

In Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, you play the princess. And as you know from better games, princesses are helpless little girls pining for prince wang in castles with bad security just waiting to get captured. Why would anyone want to play the part of that? It doesn't take a sociologist to know that they would be gay. Let's not fool ourselves-- they'd have to be super super gay. Now do the math on this: experts in ass ramming estimate that about 10% of the world is homosexual, and if you consider that only 5 people actually wanted a CDI machine, that means that this game was made specifically for a target audience of one half a person. I hope that half a person is happy, because this game probably got a few video game salesmen killed.


Ten years ago, a group of cruel scientists kidnapped a retarded kid, blindfolded him, filled his helmet with bees, and demanded that he draw cartoons. Those cartoons were later used as The Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon cutscenes.
Graphics: 0/10
If you thought I was just kidding about how fruity this game is, fucking look at this screenshot:


Fun: 0/10
The gameplay is almost as deep and engaging as flipping from one option to the next on a DVD menu. Say for instance one person was playing Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, and another person was telling Terminator 2 to be played in French, then English, then French again, they'd both be having the same amount of fun. However, once the second person actually started watching Terminator 2 in French, they'd be having approximately 927,087 times more fun.

Education: 6/10
The CDI system was marketed as an educational device, and in many ways it was. If nothing else it taught you Lesson Number One: Don't spend $500 on worthless garbage, dipshit.

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